All Sane and Logical
by Tinuviel Storm
Summary: In an attempt to unite the school after Voldemort's defeat, Dumbledore decides it's a good idea to send the seventh years in pairs to live with muggles for three months. Hermione and Draco most certainly do NOT agree! CAUTION: SODA SPRAYER :D
1. Dont know how I got so tangled

Chapter One- I don't know how I got so tangled

                Hermione Granger pushed her way through the bustling crowd in King's Cross station. Her best friends, Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Ginny Weasley trailed behind. Hermione checked her watch and quickened her pace. She and Harry had once again spent the summer with the Weasleys. Harry had risked his life to end the second war against Voldemort with the help of the Order of the Phoenix and some of his fellow Gryffindors at the end of the previous year. Hermione shook her head, refusing to dwell on it.  

                "We have five minutes to board the train! Move it!" Hermione called over her shoulder. Harry and Ron had begun to lag behind. Ginny rolled her eyes as she glanced back at them.

                "They're probably going on about Quidditch again, Hermione. Give it up." Hermione sighed.

                "Yeah, but remember what they did last time they were late?" reminded Hermione, referring to the incident 5 years previous when Harry and Ron drove an enchanted car to school. Ginny smiled good-naturedly as they finally reached the platform.

                "Two minutes…" Hermione groaned, checking her watch once again. "C'mon Gin, let's go now," Ginny nodded and walked straight through the solid barrier between the platforms nine and ten. Hermione cast a last look at Harry and Ron, now running to keep up before waving to them, leaning casually against the wall, and falling sideways into the hidden platform. With Ginny out of sight, Hermione quickly lifted her trunk from the trolley, hurried to the scarlet steam engine and leaped onto the train just as the train blew a final warning whistle. Breathing deeply, Hermione started searching for an empty carriage. At a loud banging noise behind her, Hermione whipped around to find Harry and Ron crash onto the train just as it began to move.

                "Hey, Hermione," Harry smiled sheepishly. Hermione rolled her eyes but nevertheless returned a small smile before turning back to the hall. She led Harry and Ron to the last compartment, which happened to be the only available one left in the train. Peeking inside a rather loud carriage opposite their own, Hermione found Ginny surrounded by a number of 6th years who seemed to be trying to light some of the Weasley's fireworks.

                "So, Hermione," Ron started as they moved into their own compartment, Harry looking rather glum sitting next to Ron as they arranged themselves on the opposite seat to her. "Don't you need to go up to the Head's compartment this year?" Ron winked at Hermione, smiling smugly. Wrinkling her nose at him, Hermione kicked his shin… hard.

                "Why thank you Ron. I'm so glad my friends seem to have no problem with me suffering the presence of an annoying, evil, diseased ferret!" Harry and Ron shook their heads. Everyone knew Hermione was the top student in Hogwarts and that the only person who even came close was their archenemy, Draco Malfoy. Hermione scrunched up her face and continued to utter rude words under her breath. Harry decided it was time to intervene.

                "Don't worry about Malfoy, Hermione. You know that if he ever bothers you, me and Ron will beat him into a bloody pulp." Ron nodded viciously, eager to have an excuse to hurt Malfoy. Hermione snorted.

                "Oh, and risk getting you two expelled, shall I? I don't think so. Thanks for the offer however."

                "Oh please Hermione," Ron gushed, quickly brushing aside any notion of expulsion. "You know perfectly well that Dumbledore will never expel Harry, no matter what he does; and as Harry's best friend, Dumbledore can't possibly expel me either!" Hermione smiled, amused at Ron's simple logic, and then again as the subject changed to Quidditch before she could even respond. The way Harry and Ron can switch every conversation to Quidditch never failed to amaze her. Hermione slumped down in her seat, unable to contribute to the conversation. _If only they could talk about classes or teachers or books…_ Hermione thought wistfully. Even if the range of conversation was somewhat limited, Hermione still loved her friends to no end. As she brushed a wisp of light brown hair behind her ear Hermione's gaze focused on Harry. Harry's hair was as untidy as ever, and his brilliant green eyes shined from behind his glasses brightly. It had taken Harry awhile after Voldemort's defeat to recover from the emotional and physical shock. Harry had lured Voldemort to an area surrounded by the Order, before performing a set of complicated spells (with the help of Hermione and Dumbledore), which trapped Voldemort into Godric Gryffindor's sword forever. The sword now hung on the wall in Dumbledore's office, that is, until the Order can find a permanent residence for it or a way to destroy it without freeing Voldemort. After everything that happened and the dark magic Harry had to invoke everyone tried to give him some space. With the new school year starting and no strange outbursts or scar clutching from Harry, Hermione concluded he had returned normal, at least for the moment. Harry had a deep tan from all the time he spent in the sun playing Quidditch with Ron and the other Weasleys. _Yes_, Hermione thought. _Harry has grown up a lot… I can't wait to see how the Gryffindors react when they find out he's taken!_ No matter how handsome Harry had become over the summer, Hermione would never think of him as anything more than her best friend. Ginny on the other hand, had approached her renowned crush in a completely different manner than when she was younger. Hermione may have frowned upon Ginny's new wardrobe of tighter shirts and higher, more revealing skirts, but she did admit Ginny looked stunning in them. Ginny was still very petite, at least three inches shorter than Hermione, but with her long dark auburn hair, lightly freckled face, and fierce green eyes that rivaled Harry's, Ginny had managed to captured Harry's eye immediately, and later his heart. They were now the most sickeningly sweet couple Hermione had ever met.

                "Hermione! Would you like anything off the cart?" Ron seemed to have surfaced from his enthralling Quidditch discussion long enough to notice a cart full of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, Chocolate Frogs, Pumpkin Pasties, Cauldron Cakes and many other various assortments of sweets pushed by a plump woman. Hermione flashed Ron a smile but politely declined. Ron had gotten a job in Diagon Alley working for his brothers, Fred and George, over the summer. He now has enough pocket change to satisfy him and took every opportunity to spend it on his best friends. Hermione found it endearing. Ron was still extremely tall and lanky, but Hermione was more attracted to Ron with each passing day. His freckled face gave him a boyish look, and his hair was still flaming red, as it had been through all his years at Hogwarts. But there was just something different about Ron that Hermione couldn't place her finger on. Maybe it was just that he was so much more good-natured than her last boyfriend.

                "Granger," drawled Malfoy, shoving their compartment door open violently, ignoring the looks of disgust flashing on Harry and Ron's face. "Missed you in the Head's compartment. You _do_ know that we were suppose to meet there for a reason, don't you?" Hermione shrugged her shoulders indifferently, not looking Malfoy in the face.

                "Yes, to get acquainted with the other Head, which I already am, and give directions to the prefects, which I figured you could handle. Did you feel compelled to come all the way back here just to inform me of this?" Hermione snapped, raising her gaze to find Malfoy's almost darkened gray eyes studying her face with amusement. Malfoy was over six feet tall, making him unavoidably able to tower over her. The menacing black robes didn't help much either. Malfoy's silver-blonde hair had grown out a bit, and was now gelled to frame his face. Hermione amused herself for a few moments, enjoying the annoyed expression on Malfoy's face every so often as a wisp of his blonde hair fell into his eyes. His calm composure was hindered only by his ever-present sneer focused on Hermione.

"I came to inform you that McGonagall wants to talk to _both_ of us, and is wondering why the Head Girl thinks she's too good to sit in the Head's compartment." Hermione felt the heat rising to her face. Malfoy seemed to be enjoying himself. "Slacking off already Granger! I mean I know you're a Mudblood and all, but the term hasn't even started yet!" Harry and Ron jumped up from their seat immediately.

                "What did you say, ferret face?" Ron growled, livid. Malfoy smirked.

                "You don't want to be jumping to Granger's rescue so quickly Weasley, people might suspect you've got something for the Mudblood." Hermione stepped between them, her eyes flashing.

                "That's the second time you've used that word today Malfoy. Don't you _ever_ think of new insults? Honestly!" Hermione poked Malfoy in the chest menacingly. Suddenly she realized she was standing closer to him than she had ever in her life. Malfoy seemed to pick up on her trail of thoughts a smirked. _People should not be allowed to twist a smile into that…_ Hermione thought, her gaze lingering on his lips.

                "Like the feeling of being this close to a respectable pureblood, Granger? Savor it, it will probably be your last time…" Hermione rolled her eyes, willing herself not to hit him.

"Can you please move so I can get out of my compartment, Malfoy?" she said, her voice level with controlled anger. Malfoy silently turned around and opened the door for Hermione.

                "Mudblood's first," He said, ushering Hermione out with one hand while sending Harry and Ron a trademark sneer. Harry slammed the door behind him, shattering the glass. Hermione ignored it, walking swiftly to the front of the train.

                _Why the hell is Malfoy such an asshole? Oh yeah, because he's Malfoy! The sad thing is he never even bothers to think of anything new! You shouldn't be allowed to be a Head if you can't think of any good comebacks! I should check Hogwarts: A History. Maybe there's a rule I overlooked about it that I can show Dumbledore or something. Anyway, he's just pissed that I beat him on all the NEWT's. So there!_ Her ranting subsided as she reached the Head's compartment. After sending Malfoy an evil glare over her shoulder, Hermione slid open the compartment door cautiously to find her Transfigurations professor and Deputy Headmistress Professor McGonagall, waiting for her.

                "Miss Granger! Not even reporting here to meet with Mr. Malfoy is not something I would expect of you! Please, at least try to make an effort to not create any friction between you two!" Hermione winced at McGonagall's words, but had the decency to look ashamed as Malfoy entered the compartment, taking the seat beside Hermione. "I have something very important I would like to speak with you both… and I've already been delayed." The professor continued, glaring at Hermione for the first time in Hermione's life. "Since the defeat of You-Know-Who, Professor Dumbledore has been trying very hard to bridge the differences between the houses to unite Hogwarts. One of the ideas, which you are already familiar with, will be announced after dinner tomorrow to the seventh years." Hermione and Malfoy nodded. "Also… since you two will be representing the whole school as the Head students, there can not be any animosity between you two," Hermione and Malfoy glanced at each other, shooting the other accusing looks. McGonagall took a deep breath before continuing. "Therefore you two will be sharing living quarters when we reach the school, separate from your own house." McGonagall quickly raised her hand to silence their outbursts. "Due to your backgrounds, this is very important to unite the school, especially the Gryffindors and Slytherins. Dumbledore _knows_ the Head students would be more than happy to comply with his wishes." McGonagall looked meaningfully over her square shaped glasses, wondering briefly if Dumbledore had at last gone insane. McGonagall stood up to leave without another word, closed the compartment door in a manner that told Hermione and Draco they were not to open it again until the train stopped at Hogwarts. Hermione sighed and moved to the opposite bench, taking McGonagall's previous seat.

                "You know what she meant by that last statement, don't you Malfoy?"

                "Of course I do. If we don't do exactly what the crack-pot old fool tells us, we're going to be booted from our positions." Malfoy glared at Hermione, absentmindedly fingering his Head Boy badge.

                "It's not my fault, so don't look at me like that!" Hermione snapped at him. Malfoy opened his mouth to retort but Hermione put a silencing charm on him. "Not now Malfoy I want to get some rest before we arrive." Hermione told him, closing her eyes as Malfoy's face contorted in fury, mouthing rude words at her. Giving up, Malfoy retreated to the corner of the compartment and looked out the window, watching the fields go by through the soft rain falling from the darkened sky. He cast a dark look back at Hermione, who was now breathing deeply against the far wall, her eyes closed.

                _Granger's such a bitch… the minute this stupid charm wears off I'm going to yell to wake her up. What is Dumbledore playing at, making us share living quarters? Oh well, at least it wont be for long with the project starting in November… unless he pairs us up for that! Crap he probably will just to aggravate me! If only old Voldy had finished Potter off I would never have to deal with this…_ Malfoy looked over at Hermione's sleeping form, her skirt riding up her leg just enough to make Malfoy smile with appreciation. Hermione's hair was a light wispy brown, no longer quite as bushy. Somehow it had been transformed into some more reasonable soft curls that fell halfway down her back. Her skin had a moderate tan that had actually been complimented with some sparse makeup. _Weasley_, Malfoy referring to Hermione's slut of a friend, as he noticed the slight improvement. _Of course no one would ever be able to know what is under those hideous clothes she wears._ Malfoy concluded, still staring blatantly at Hermione, whom he had tormented for years, the best friend of Harry Potter, and the most untouchable girl in the school. Feeling the charm lift an evil grin spread across his face. Moving towards Granger, Draco placed his lips mere inches from Hermione's ear.

                "GRANGER!!!!" he yelled as loud as he could, jerking back as Hermione shot up from her position against the wall, eyes searching the compartment frantically.

                "What?" she screamed back, seething.

                "I just wanted to know if you were asleep," Malfoy replied sweetly, giving Hermione his best innocent look. He noticed Hermione looked like she was about to strangle him and decided to take a step back.

                "Well, I'll be sure to make sure you're asleep when we're sharing living quarters together," Hermione retorted, smirking. Malfoy glared at her.

"Granger… is that drool?" He smiled sweetly while pointing to her shirt. The innocent look was really grating Hermione's nerves.

"Ugh, no of course not you rude, uncivilized, little ferret!" Malfoy raised an eyebrow, controlling himself from laughing in her face.

"And I'm the one who needs to think of new comebacks?" Ignoring the screeches of profanity he turned his back on Hermione, shuffling through his bag to retrieve a copy of "Hogwarts: A history." Silence filled the compartment.

                "I read that in first year," Hermione couldn't help but brag. Malfoy raised an eyebrow.

                "This is the _revised  _'Hogwarts: A History' that just came out, Granger. No one has it, it's not even on the shelves yet." Hermione eyes widened in shock and surprise as she noticed a different cover on the book.

                "How did _you_, the son of a well-know Death Eater get your hands on it if it's not even on the shelves yet?" Hermione sneered at him. Malfoy glared at her.

                "Lucius is dead, and I have a hell of a lot of connections," he snapped. Hermione decided not to retort, as she suddenly realized it might be painful for Malfoy to talk about his father… even if he had been an evil Death Eater.

                "Can I see it?" Hermione asked offhandedly, hoping Malfoy wouldn't notice the excitement in her voice. Malfoy looked up at Hermione and smiled before turning back to his book.

                "No."

                "Please?"

                "No." Hermione paused, wondering if it was worth sacrificing her pride to read the book. She decided it was.

                "Malfoy please? Please, please, please?" Malfoy looked up again suddenly, his grin growing wider. Hermione noted suddenly how weird Draco Malfoy looked when he was smiling.

                "Um, let me think… no." He was enjoying this _way_ too much.

                "Fine! I didn't want it anyway!" Hermione pouted, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. Malfoy smiled at his victory.

                Hermione stood up quickly as the train pulled to a grinding stop. She was anxious to get away from Malfoy, who had spent the rest of the train ride holding onto the stupid book like it was his lifeline, giving Hermione no chance of stealing it. Malfoy emerged from the compartment right behind her, giving her a sharp prod in the back.

                "Move it Granger. I have places to go, people to-"

                "Torment?" Hermione offered.

                "Screw." Malfoy corrected with a smirk, enjoying the look of disgust spreading across Hermione's face.

                "And to think I have to share a common room with you," Hermione muttered under her breath.

                "Yes, you'll be the envy of ever girl in school," Malfoy called out as Hermione stomped off. Shaking her head, Hermione exited the train and waited in the rain for her friends, cursing Malfoy when he shot her yet another wide grin as he passed from the rain to the safety of the carriages. Hermione jumped back a bit as her gaze fell on the threstrals, who were clearly visible for the first time.

                "Oh!" She said softly, moving towards one without thinking.

                "Hermione!" Harry called, as he, Ginny and Ron made their way though the rain to Hermione. "Quick let's get in the carriage!"

 "Hermione you're soaking wet!" Ginny exclaimed frantically, eyeing Hermione's smeared mascara with horror. Ron looked up startled at his little sister's voice and hastily handed over his cloak to Hermione.

"Thanks Ron." Hermione smiled, wrapping his cloak over her shoulders, amused to see a blush creep across Ron's cheeks.

"Anytime," Ron mumbled back. Harry and Ginny shared a smile as they interlocked fingers. Hermione rolled her eyes, waiting impatiently for the carriage to stop.

A/N: Alright, here's the first chapter of the story. Like it? Hate it? Let me know. I know it seems more drama, but I promise the humor will be coming really soon.

Also, I'm absolutely not going to shove Draco and Hermione together based upon physical attraction (it would take a HELL of a lot more than that). The descriptions were in there for the reader, and were also applied for Harry, Ron, and Ginny. So no flamers!

The reason Dumbledore wants to unite the school will be revealed when he tells the seventh years about the project, just in case anyone think I just stuck it in randomly.

Characters that might seem OOC in future chapters will be McGonagall … that is if my beta-reader doesn't take it out. :)

OK, thanks so much for reading!!!!! More chapters to come of course, I never abandon fics. I've spent a lot of time writing and editing this, so if you could drop a review it would be greatly, GREATLY appreciated. Shamelessly begging… :) Thanks again!


	2. You tried to open your mouth, but only s...

/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews!! You guys rock!

Mrsmunkee- Wow my first reviewer! You get a cookie! I'm trying to keep them as much in character while making it humorous because I can't stand fics where Draco like, breaks down and cry and suddenly they're all friends. Thanks so much for reviewing!

s.s.harry- thanks for Tom Felton in a box! He is now currently crouching in some corner trying to hide from me… but that's ok! ;)

sarah- thanks! My other story had shorter chapters, and then I realized how annoying it is to try and read those types of fics so I'm making quite an effort to make these chapters much longer. The only downside is that it takes longer to put out.

Leggomylegolas40- first, congrats on such a cool penname! Haha here's your update!

Iluvschool- thanks, but what do you mean by don't put a lot of PG13 stuff in it? Do you mean I should tone it down with the swearing, or make it more R? I'm so confused!

PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much! You rock! Cookies all around!

Caitie78- Some drama will be worked into the story, however it's main genre will be humor. Thanks so much for the review!

The forgotten Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter. I wish I owned Draco, however JK Rowling sent me a howler about running off to France with her characters. So for now Draco is presently not under my control either. The tears are being shed…

Chapter 2- you tried to open your mouth, but only shit would come out

                Draco drummed his fingers against the Slytherin table, impatiently waiting for the sorting to commence. A small smirk tugged his lips as Draco watched the last few Gryffindors run into the Great Hall, Granger among them, looking like drenched rats. Draco actually laughed as he watched Weasley try to hold… Ginger was it? Trying to hold Ginger back from running from the hall. _Probably wants to fix her makeup or something,_ Draco thought, looking down at the youngest Weasley with immense distaste. However, as the Gryffindors took their seats and no further entertainment was being provided, Malfoy found his mind wandering to his fellow Slytherins. Their small number this year was clustered at the opposite end of the table from Draco, leaving him with only Blaise and Pansy to shoot dark looks at the other houses. Many of the Death Eater's children had been taken out of Hogwarts the previous year to join the Dark Lord's service, when he had returned to power. After Voldemort's final defeat from wonder-boy, no one who had survived dared return to Hogwarts. Instead, many of the former Slytherins had transferred to Durmstrang. Malfoy was among some of the few seventh years left. He was deeply depressed that Pansy had managed to stay in Hogwarts, and by the scowl on her face, she felt the same. The only person he knew well enough to call a 'friend' was Blaise Zabini, a female seventh year whose father was a close friend to Malfoy's family. Her father had decided to keep Blaise in school much like Lucius had kept Draco enrolled when he was alive. Although Draco's reasons for staying were to serve quite a different purpose … a shiver ran down Draco's spine as he remembered why he had been allowed to stay in Hogwarts.

"Draco, the Dark Lord is now ready for you." Lucius spoke softly, his voice level as he surveyed his only son with pride for the first. Draco looked back at him angrily.

_                "Father, why should I have to serve some Mudblood fool who hasn't even been able to kill a mere school boy for the past what- 5 years? Malfoys do not serve anyone but themselves!" Lucius' eyes flashed as he gazed at his brazen child._

_                "It would be highly recommendable, my son, to not speak like that about the Dark Lord. Malfoys do serve themselves. If you are such a fool that you do not see the benefits of joining the most powerful wizard in the world, than clearly I haven't taught you anything." Draco turned from his father, his eyes cold as he stared into the mirror that reflected an image of himself in his new ceremonial robes._

_                "You have taught me not to risk myself unless there is something to be gained. What will we gain if Voldemort is defeated yet again?"_

_                "You insolent child! Do not speak his name!" Lucius hissed, raising his wand arm and hitting Draco on the back of the head with his cane. _

                It had been the first time he had ever been hit by anyone in his life. _Well, almost the first time,_ Draco corrected himself as his eyes fell upon a brunette sitting at the Gryffindor table, listening attentively as Dumbledore gave his start-of-the-term speech. It was then that Draco decided to be a spy for the ministry, Dumbledore, whoever wanted him. He was well aware of Snape's double-faced role, and decided it was the most sensible thing to do since everyone knew, as much as Draco hated to admit it, that The-Boy-Who-Just-Won't-Die would defeat Voldemort sooner or later. Draco's job had been pretty easy, reporting everything that happened at meetings back to Dumbledore. Then came the final battle where Potter had won, Voldemort was gone, his father died, and Draco got a get-out-of-jail-free card. _Yes_, he thought bitterly, his eyebrows furrowing, _Malfoys serve themselves._ Draco pushed all thoughts from his mind as Blaise started giving him an odd look, and instead focused on the food that had magically appeared.

                Hermione stole a quick glance at Malfoy as Dumbledore announced the Head students to the school. She was shocked to find that his usual sneer had slipped off his face, replaced by a more somber expression. Hermione looked down at her now empty plate as Malfoy turned in her direction, a scowl etched across his face as he recognized a look of pity on her face. Hermione gulped. Standing up quickly as Dumbledore dismissed the school from the feast, she nervously made her way towards the Headmaster, trying not to look in Malfoy's direction.

                "See you tomorrow, Hermione!" Ron called to her, shoving a few Yorkshire puddings in his pocket and following the rest of the Gryffindors to their common room, leaving Hermione and Malfoy alone in the Great Hall with Dumbledore. Hermione sighed, but resolutely looked up at the Headmaster.

                "Well wasn't that a superb feast! The house elves really outdid themselves tonight," Dumbledore started cheerfully, beaming down at the two students. Hermione looked back indignantly at the Headmaster at the mention of the house elves. Malfoy scowled. "I'm sure you two are eager to see your new living quarters, so I will keep this brief. You have a meeting with the Prefects on Thursday and patrol Wednesday night. I would like you to stay together through your patrol, as I am aware there may be some _hostile _feelings between you two. I know it wouldn't reflect well at all upon Hogwarts if the two Head students can't even manage to get along! Well! I think that is all for now, Professor McGonagall will show you your new rooms. Sleep well," Dumbledore concluded, his eyes twinkling merrily. Malfoy rolled his eyes as the Headmaster turned and eagerly beckoned Professor McGonagall forward. Hermione glared at Malfoy for his blatant rudeness.

                "Follow me," McGonagall snapped, surveying the Heads critically for a moment before turning around swiftly and sweeping out of the Great Hall. Hermione and Malfoy hurried to catch up with her. After passing through a labyrinth of halls and staircases, which Hermione was sure neither of them would be able to remember, they reached a large portrait of a giggling young woman, dressed in 18th century garb.

                "You must agree on a password before entering. Good night," McGonagall informed them, before shaking her head sadly and storming down the adjacent hall.

                "I wonder where she's off to," Hermione thought aloud, glancing at Malfoy only to find him staring at her with impatience.

                "How about, 'Gryffindors blow'?" he offered indicating to the portrait while smiling innocently. The portrait squealed.

                "Excuse me young sir, but I myself was in Gryffindor and I don't believe you should be derogatory to other houses… you're in Slytherin, aren't you?"

                "Oh shut up, you!" Malfoy snapped at the portrait, his cheeks flushed.

                "How about 'white bouncing ferrets'?" Hermione offered. Malfoy rolled his eyes again.

                "What did I tell you about old insults Granger? Honestly. How about-" He started angrily, but was cut off as the portrait interjected yet again.

                "You two must have _something_ in common!" she asked, eyeing them closely. Neither Hermione nor Draco said anything for a minute.

                "Nope," Hermione replied, smiling sweetly to the girl in the portrait.

                "Hogwarts: a History." Malfoy mumbled to the portrait. Hermione looked up in surprise but nodded.

                "Very well then… 'Hogwarts, a History' is your new password." The girl said, bemused. The portrait door swung open to reveal a large oval room, half of which was covered with green and silver, the other red and gold. At the far side of the room there were two doors, one labeled Head Girl and one labeled Head Boy. Hermione stared at the room in awe, taking in the red plush couch that was lined with gold, the lion engraved in the mantle above the Gryffindor fireplace, the deep cherry colored desk in the far corner, and gold-lined carpet. She was startled out of her amazement as Malfoy pushed past her, apparently not too impressed with their new living arrangements.

                "Night Mudblood," he called to her without a backward glance.

                "Night ferret," Hermione yelled back, just as he slammed his bedroom door shut. All thoughts of Malfoy quickly left her mind as Hermione raced to her own bedroom. Smiling widely, she flopped down on the king size bed surrounded by red and gold curtains, her desk, wardrobe, bookcase, floor-to-ceiling window, and private bathroom. She quickly set to work unpacking her belongings.

                Draco woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. _Must be from being in such close proximity to a Mudblood, _he thought sourly as he placed the tip of his wand to his head to use an alleviating spell. He pushed back his sheets and stomped to his bathroom hoping a shower would make him feel better, only to find the door wouldn't open.

                "Granger!" he yelled at the top of his voice. Hearing a yelp from inside his bathroom he used a quick _"Alohomora"_ on the door and stepped inside to find Hermione at the sink, brushing her hair.

                "What do you want, Malfoy," She spat.

                "Look Granger, I haven't had my coffee jolt yet and I'm in a _very_ bad mood so don't act stupid. I want to use _my _bathroom, so move your little Mudblood ass to your own."

                "This is _my _bathroom, Malfoy," Hermione spoke slowly, her eyes widening in shock. "Wait-"

                "No!" Malfoy growled. "That crazy old fool couldn't possibly-"

                "Yes, he could," Hermione responded softly, closing her eyes in dread.

                _"We have to share a bathroom?" _Malfoy shouted.

                "Well, at least we wont once the trip starts-" Hermione tried to calm Malfoy down.

                "-And yet he'll probably pair us up for that too! All my hard work to become Head Boy and this is what I get?" Malfoy ranted on. Hermione sniffed.

                "Oh please. You know just as well as I do that money can buy hard work." Malfoy glared at her.

                "Just because you're Potter's little girlfriend and the biggest bookworm in the school, doesn't mean that people like me don't work just as hard as you do. In fact, I work _harder_ because I have to fight against the prejudices of being the son of a Death Eater! But even Dumbledore had to admit that I was the best."

                "I am not Harry's girlfriend!" Hermione shouted indignantly. Malfoy's eyes glinted.

                "Well, I know you alternate between him and the Weasel, sorry if I messed up on the day. Now please remove your contaminated self from my bathroom."

                "This is as much my bathroom as it is yours, Malfoy! You cannot just order me out!"

                "Watch me," Malfoy yelled, his eye's flashing as he took two strides forward, picked Hermione up and carried her into her own room.

                "What the hell Malfoy! Put me down right now!" Hermione screeched, hitting his arms repeatedly.

                "Fine," Malfoy responded, dumping her onto the floor unceremoniously. Smiling evilly he turned and swiftly disappeared into the bathroom, using multiple locking spells to ensure his privacy. He could hear Hermione's screams of frustration through the door, and smiled at himself in the mirror. He decided to make his shower twice as long.

                Hermione stomped into the Great Hall twenty minutes late for breakfast, clearly aggravated and followed by an extremely amused Malfoy. Reaching the Gryffindor table she plopped down between Harry and Ron and closed her eyes, holding her head in her hands.

                "Err, Hermione? Are you all right?" Harry asked, concerned. Ron looked at her, worried.      "Would you be all right if you had to live with Malfoy?" Hermione replied through clenched teeth, glaring at her empty plate.

                "Did he do anything to you Hermione?" Ron asked sharply, starting to rise from the table. Hermione placed a hand on his shoulder, pushing Ron back into his seat.

                "Nothing beside being his usual obnoxious, greedy, spoiled, annoying, rude self." Hermione said. Ron didn't look very reassured.

                "Did he try to hurt you Hermione? Or touch you?" He asked worriedly. Hermione almost laughed.

                "No, he just kicked me out of my bathroom and didn't let me take a shower for about an hour. I swear I'm going to-"

                "You share a bathroom?" Harry questioned, perplexed. Hermione sighed.

                "Yup. And a common room, and patrol duties, and all of our classes…" Harry threw his arms around Hermione, giving her a huge hug.

                "You poor, poor, poor girl…" He mumbled in her hair. Hermione laughed. Ron scowled.

                "I don't like the idea of you getting so close to Malfoy, Hermione." Ron said seriously.

                "Oh, and I do?" Hermione retorted, raising an eyebrow. Ginny approached them laughing, apparently just returning from the 6th year section of the table.

                "Our poor little Hermione has to deal with the hot ass, er- annoying Slytherin!" She smiled, plopping down on Harry's lap. Harry blanched at Ginny's first description of Malfoy.

                "There are some chairs around, you know," Ron offered, uncomfortably. Hermione smiled at Ron's discomfort and looked up just as schedules were passed out. The Great Hall grew quiet as the students studied their schedule.

                "Well this confirms it." Harry said, carelessly throwing his schedule into his bag. "I'm screwed." Ignoring the comment, Hermione quickly reached into his bag to retrieve the crumpled paper.

                "I have Defense Against the Dark Arts with you and Ron, along with Care for Magical Creatures… and Charms!" she exclaimed, happily.

                "Don't you always have all of your classes with us?" Ron asked, studying her schedule over her shoulder.

                "This year I'm taking some NEWT classes, so I have a different Transfigurations and Potions." Hermione replied, digging into her French toast. Ron smiled.

                "Getting too smart for us common people, Hermione?" he joked. Ignoring him, Hermione checked her schedule once more.

                "We have Care for Magical Creatures next, so we better hurry up. I can't wait to see what Hagrid has planned for this year," Hermione added jokingly. Harry and Ron shared a look that said all too well that they could very much wait to see what horrific dangerous creature Hagrid had decided to bring, but they silently followed Hermione as she stood up from the table.

                "I'm going to miss you, sweetie." Hermione turned to find Harry pulling Ginny to his chest, giving her a hug that seemed to last a little too long.

                "Aren't they going to see each other at lunch?" Ron whispered to Hermione, glaring at Harry. Hermione giggled and tugged Ron's sleeve playfully.

                "Come on, stop obsessing over Harry and your sister already." Ron opened his mouth in protest but Hermione placed a finger under his chin, closing it.

                "Come _on._ We're going to be late!" with a sigh Ron obeyed, allowing Hermione to drag him out of the Great Hall.

                "Well isn't this cute? Granger taking her dog for a walk." Malfoy sneered as he approached Hermione and Ron as they reached the doorway.

                "Fuck off, Malfoy. We both know the only reason you're here is you don't have any friends of your own to bother," Hermione snarled. Ron snorted in appreciation. Malfoy whirled on him.

                "Stop acting like Granger's bitch, Weasel, and get a goddamn backbone. Oh, and some money while you're at it. I know there's a constant need for that at the Weasley shack…"

                "Do the world a favor and crawl into some corner and die, ferret," Hermione suggested, linking arms with Ron, and pulling him away from Malfoy. Malfoy glared at her with such a cold fury it sent a shiver down Hermione's spine. As angry with herself as she was for being intimidated by him, she could only watch as he turned and headed to Hagrid's cabin, his robes billowing behind him and his hair gleaming in the sunlight. Hermione and Ron reluctantly followed.

                "I hate that bloody git," Ron spat through clenched teeth. Hermione patted his arm reassuringly.

                "Don't mind him, Ron. He's just an egotistical bastard who doesn't have any friends of his own to talk to."

                "You wouldn't be talking about me, now would you?" Harry interjected with a grin, panting as he caught up to them.

                "Finished snogging my sister have you?" Ron questioned, torn between disgust and amusement.

                "Yup!" Harry winked at Hermione. Ron clenched his eyes shut, trying to destroy the disturbing images from his mind. 

                "Look, Hagrid's waving us over! We're probably really late!" Hermione exclaimed worriedly.

                "Who cares?" Harry and Ron said together. Glaring at them, Hermione took off running, grabbing them by their sleeves, yet still arriving last.

                "Abou' time," Hagrid greeted the class as they gathered before Hagrid's cabin, adjacent to the forbidden forest. "I bin waitin' fer a good ten minutes already! All right, Harry, Ron, Hermione?" Beaming at Hagrid, the three nodded their heads. As painful as his classes were, they could never destroy their deep affection for Hagrid. Hermione smiled, truly glad to be back in Hogwarts for the first time since their return. The rest of the class did not look so ecstatic.

                "Right then," said Hagrid, "now listen carefully, 'cause they're dangerous what we're gonna see today… Follow me o'er 'ere. " Hermione looked up and noted with satisfaction that Malfoy looked extremely uneasy as Hagrid motioned the class to follow him around his cabin to the edge of the forbidden forest. Hermione wondered what Hagrid could possibly show them that he himself considered 'dangerous'. "Now these 'ere, ya gotta be careful handlin' them 'cause yer ne'er know when they could turn on ya…" the class peered not too anxiously into the surrounding forest.

                "Erm, Hagrid…" Harry started. Hagrid motioned his silence. Staring at the forest brush fruitlessly, Hermione's gaze slid up the tree to meet the most disgusting creature she had ever seen. A half monkey, half bird creature peered through the thick branches back down at the class.

                "Oh my," Hermione whispered, her hand covering her mouth. As if on cue, the class quickly followed Hermione's gaze.

                "Ew, Hagrid what is that?" Lavender squealed her face contorted in disgust. Malfoy snorted from behind Lavender, cutting off Hagrid's reply.

                "Don't bother asking Hagrid, Brown. I'm sure Granger is just itching for the chance to show off." Harry, Hermione and Ron turned to face Malfoy.

                "At least I know what it _is _Malfoy. And oh how they act just like tiny little white ferrets banging against walls…"

                "Class-" Hagrid said urgently.

                "Weak Granger. But don't worry, I'm sure something else will come to you sometime this year." The Slytherins roared with laughter. The Gryffindors glared daggers at them.

                "Hermione… Malfoy…" Hagrid tried again.

                "At least I don't need to pay some stupid whore to hang off my arm all day so I can feel like I have friends!" Hermione shouted her eyes narrowed at Pansy, who Malfoy hadn't been able to shake off yet. Pansy dropped her arm from Malfoy's, glaring at Hermione.

                "Well at least-" Malfoy was cut off as Hagrid frantically shouted over the class.

                "L'esaks are forest demons that attack when they're disturbed!" he yelled as the L'esak flew from the tree and swooped down on the unsuspecting class. Chaos reigned, and class ended with the students running out of the forest and into the castle at top speed. Hermione soon found herself in the Great Hall next to Ron, who was looking rather pale.

                "Bloody hell, there's one way you know you're back in Hogwarts- getting chased out of Hagrid's class! Honestly…"Hermione watched Ron head down the opposite corridor, shaking his head. Heaving a sigh, Hermione slung her book bag back over her shoulder and trudged up the main stairs to try to find her way back to her dorm.

A/N: according to my friend/beta reader, L'esaks really are these hideous forest demons. However since I couldn't find any pictures on google, I named them myself. If anyone has heard of them or knows what they look like, let me know. Also- the chapter titles and actually the title itself are song lyrics. Just so ya know. Thanks for reading! Please please please please review! Please? ;)


	3. Until the day I die

A/N: Ohh my, not to sound like the review obsessed freak I am, but what the hell happened? Three reviews?? Ouch… that burns. Well whatever reviews give me motivation… no reviews, no story…

Too my whole three reviewers…

PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much! I actually wasn't sure about that part… I didn't want to get carried away but I decided to put it out anyway. Thanks bundles! ;)

Funness- Want to hear something really sad? I went back to try and find where I contradicted myself, and it took me like, an hour. How awesome, do you beta-read? Anyway… thanks for the reviews!

Shallowprincess- glad you think it's interesting! Lol… here's an update, enjoy!

Chapter 3- until the day I die

                Hermione and Malfoy arrived late to dinner the next night, glaring at each other and setting off towards their own tables in a huff.

                "What's wrong, Hermione?" Ron asked, through a mouth full of mashed potatoes as Hermione threw herself in the chair beside him. Distracted by all the food falling from his mouth, Hermione wrinkled her nose in disgust, giving him a pointed look. Swallowing quickly, Ron grinned sheepishly. "Er- sorry 'bout that…"

                "It's fine, Ron," Hermione replied stiffly.

"What's wrong, Hermione?" asked Harry, repeating Ron's previous question. Hermione sighed, shooting a dark look over at the Slytherin table.

"I can not live with that evil, annoying piece of- _ugh_! I walked into my room after lunch today to find him sitting on my bed reading my diaries! And when I yelled at him, he said it was because I drank all of his coffee! His coffee! I don't even like French vanilla!"

"You know how he takes his coffee?" Ron asked shocked.

                "He's very lucky," said Harry, ignoring Ron's comment, "to be alive right now." Hermione sighed. Ron chuckled, his previous suspicions forgotten for the moment. They were cut off from further discussion, however, when Dumbledore rose from his seat, silencing the noisy hall.

                "If the seventh year students would be so kind as to remain after dinner to discuss some upcoming events, I would be very much obliged." Dumbledore smiled down at the students. Hermione and Draco scowled, each knowing exactly what Dumbledore plans to discuss.

                "I wonder what upcoming events they have planned for us," Ron voiced most of the students' thoughts. Harry nodded vigorously. Hermione merely rolled her eyes and continued to pick at her food.

                "Well you won't have to wonder long now will you? Dinner is almost over…" Harry turned sharply as the younger students started to leave.

                "Bye, Harry!" Ginny started to get up from the table rather reluctantly.

                "Bye sweetie…" Harry replied, nuzzling his face in her hair and giving her a hug.

                "For God's sake…" Hermione said under her breath, not exactly in the mood for Harry and Ginny's annoying PDA. "Bye, Ginny," she said rather forcefully, running a hand through her own unruly hair. Harry scowled at Hermione. Ron laughed gratefully. Silence fell over the Great Hall for a second time as the last of the younger students departed. Dumbledore finally stood, beaming down at them.

                "A new program will be starting here at Hogwarts for all seventh years. After Voldemort's demise this last year, the ministry and I have decided the best way to prevent future acts of violence is to end prejudices against muggles and muggleborns. These discriminations must be stopped if peace is to remain in the wizarding world. Intolerance is unacceptable and will hopefully be ended with this new program. We hope to re-educate those who are less… acquainted with muggle life." Dumbledore's eyes swept over to the Slytherin table before he continued. "For three months you will be paired with another student from a different house and sent to live with a muggle family. While you are staying with your 'family' none of you are to reveal that you are witches and wizards, and no one will be able to bring their wand, although you can bring textbooks with the covers transfigured, of course, if your professors assign work. Family assignments shall be posted on the train to London. The train departs on the first of November, and you will all be expected to attend Muggle Studies until that point in time. If you have any questions or comments, my office is always open. Now, as I am sure you all have a horrid amount of work to do, you are dismissed. Off you trot!" Sending the students a jovial wink, Dumbledore stepped down from the teachers' table, making his way slowly from the Great Hall. As soon as Dumbledore exited the Hall an angry buzzing resounded. Ron looked agape, his eye's bulging slightly as he stared at the spot Dumbledore had previously stood. Harry looked faintly surprised.

                "Is he _mad_?" Ron asked, astonished. "Putting a bunch of former- Death Eater Slytherins in a _muggle_ home?"

                "I think it's a brilliant idea." Hermione glared at Ron. "Surely once students start to spend time with muggles they will begin to understand and accept them." Harry chuckled dryly.

                "As long as no one has to live with the Dursleys, that is." Ron snorted and Hermione started laughing uncontrollably.

                "Honestly Harry," she laughed, her face turning a brilliant shade of pink. She was oblivious to the students around them who were sending the trio curious glances.

                "God, get a room." Malfoy muttered, passing by their table. Now solemn, Hermione met his malicious eyes.

                "Oh I'm sorry Malfoy, I forgot you don't know how to laugh. Maybe I'll teach you sometime."

                "Like I need lessons from a Mudblood," Malfoy scoffed. Hermione rolled her eyes, exasperated.

                "Shouldn't you be setting an example as Head Boy?" she hissed. Malfoy leered down at Hermione.

                "And shouldn't you run off with Potty and Weasel and be 'Head' Girl?" Hermione turned beet red at the implication. Ron jumped up from his seat and Harry quickly turned his laughter into coughs.

                "What did you say?" Ron tried to tower over Malfoy, which was proving difficult as they were about the same height. Malfoy rolled his eyes.

                "Another time I suppose, Granger? Oh well… see you at patrol tonight." Malfoy winked and turned quickly to escape Hermione's wrath. There were several small objects surrounding her that Malfoy didn't want 'accidentally' thrown at his retreating back.

                Draco wandered aimlessly near the trick stair staircase. After a quick discussion he and Hermione (or rather, just Hermione) had decided they would split up patrolling and meet after. Not that Draco was complaining. As fun as it would be to see how far he could push Granger without her snapping and hexing him, he was in no mood to deal with whining, annoying people. And he needed coffee. _Bad. _Really, really, really…

                "Ten points from Gryffindor." Malfoy called out to two dark shapes jumping out from behind a statue. He didn't actually think they were from Gryffindor, but Gryffindors should still pay. He smiled evilly. "In fact, make it 20! 50! Detention with Snape…!"

"Mr. Malfoy!" Draco winced. It was that damn Gryffindor prude. _I bet she's a virgin._ Draco thought, shivering at the scary images appearing before him. _I bet she's never even seen a naked man. She was even checking out Snape the other day! I'm sure of it. Then it must be true! She's a prudish bitch who has probably never indulged herself in a beautiful… cup… of coffee… coffee… _

"Mr. Malfoy!" Draco was shaken from his rather disturbing thoughts at McGonagall's repeated high pitch screech.

                "Yes…" He drawled. _I wonder how old she is. 90? 90 years without even one piece of ass… oh god._

"Do you realize that you have taken 50 points from Gryffindor for two over enthusiastic hormonal teenagers, from _your own_ house?" Draco glared at her. Of course he had realized that. Who else in this damn school would have the nerve to be out a good 3 hours past curfew?

                "Um, it was dark… I thought it might have been Potter and Weasel having a go… so sorry… my mistake." McGonagall looked like she was about to burst. Whether it was from sex deprivation, images of Harry and Ron having a 'go', or Malfoy suggesting something unholy of the Gryffindor house, Draco will never know. The next thing he knew he found himself cowering against a wall as McGonagall screamed at him. And Draco Malfoy had never seen Professor McGonagall scream before. Yell, sure. Reprimand, of course. Be derogatory and prejudice against the greatest house in Hogwarts (Slytherin, of course)… absolutely. But never scream. Draco was beyond scared.

                "…And further more, where is Miss Granger?" McGonagall concluded (as far as Draco could tell), her face bright red and her eyes bulging, making Draco twitch. It took Draco a few moments of blinking and steadying his breath before he could gather himself to process and answer McGonagall.

                "I don't know," was his witty reply. McGonagall's eyes narrowed. Draco wondered how she would look cross-eyed.

                "What do you mean, you don't know?" McGonagall's voice now reached a dangerous peak. Malfoy looked up and down the hall. Why wouldn't anyone take a stroll at… er… one in the morning and save him?

                "I mean, I don't know her exact whereabouts at this point in time. You see, we thought we could patrol faster and er… more efficiently if we split up. And so she's around here. Somewhere…"

                "Did Professor Dumbledore not tell you both that you are suppose to patrol together?"

                "He might have mentioned it, yes. However it is rather late and we should get to-" Draco was cut off.

_                "Go find Miss Granger IMMEDIATELY and meet me in my office!" _Draco blanched_. Kinky…  _"Now!"__

                Hermione was extremely surprised to see Malfoy run up to her, his hair in disarray and breathing unevenly. _She_ had been getting along quite nicely, almost falling asleep on her feet, but quite nicely…

                "Kinky… sex deprived… evil woman… prude… screaming…" Draco could barely form sentences as he bent over, holding a stitch in his side. He had torn down the hall and had run around the length of Hogwarts searching for Hermione. It took Hermione several failed attempts of calming him down and directing him to a bench hang off a wall before she got the full story. Which was McGonagall wanted them to report to her office. Hermione was bewildered.

                "Malfoy?" she probed tentatively. Malfoy was not showing any signs of response. _Great._ Hermione thought._ He finally cracked._ She started to shake him. "Malfoy! Malfoy! Draco Malfoy stop right now or I'm going to throw all the coffee in our room out the window! Or send it to all the poor deprived people in Africa or something…"

                "All right already Granger! Damn, barely 4 days living with you and you already know my weakness…"

                "I kind of figured it out after you pushed me onto the floor in your mad attempt to get to the coffee pot…" A dreamy expression had now come over Malfoy. Hermione decided it was time to stop.

                "All right, let's go find McGonagall." Malfoy shuddered, but reluctantly followed Hermione down the hall.

                Malfoy was practically gloating. He was so excited to see Granger try to deal with the old, kinky woman he was practically skipping down the hall. Hermione was watching him, now _extremely_ worried about his mental state of health. The last thing she needed was to be around while Malfoy lost it.

                "Malfoy…" she called, hastening her pace to catch up with him. "Why were you talking about sex-deprived screaming prudes when you found me?" Malfoy cackled. He actually cackled. _Maybe I should bring him to Madame Pomfrey… _Hermione thought.

                "Oh, you just wait Granger. You will see… yes… you will see…" Hermione shrugged. Whatever was wrong with Malfoy could probably be cured with coffee. Hermione grabbed the sleeve of Malfoy's robe to switch their direction.

                "Hey! Er… we're supposed to be going to McGonagall's! Ahh you're soiling my beautiful robes… damn…."

                "Shut up already Malfoy!" _Shouldn't this count as community service?_ She thought bitterly. Malfoy stopped struggling pathetically, and swaggered after Hermione. They walked down a stone corridor. Hermione glared at Malfoy, furious that she would now be revealing a Gryffindor secret to the evilest Slytherin. Rule #334 in the Rules for the Bravest of Heart: A Gryffindor's Handbook, stated that under no circumstances are you to reveal any Gryffindor secret to any person in any other house, especially to those under the house of Slytherin. Hermione shook her head in disgust. It seemed that Malfoy was already destroying her Gryffindor ethics…

                "Where are we?" Malfoy growled, eyeing the portraits of random food with distaste. Hermione quickened her pace to a portrait of a fruit bowl. The sooner Malfoy was caffeinated, the sooner she could be rid of him.

                "Here," she stopped short, tickling the pear quickly. Malfoy watched her with interest.

                "Is this your private shag room? Because no offense, but I do have some standards…"

                "Stuff it Malfoy," Hermione growled through gritted teeth. _"Dobby!"_ she called, urgently. Malfoy's eyes widened as his gaze fell on the strangely clad house elf racing out from an adjacent room, tears spilling from his tennis ball eyes in happiness.

                "Miss has come to visit Dobby! Has Miss brought her Harry Potter, Miss?" Malfoy snorted. It was just too much… his ex house elf was now a Harry Potter worshipper… and probably his sex slave or something…

                "Malfoy, shut up." It was scary when she did that. Malfoy contemplated the possibilities of Hermione being able to read minds. He concluded that it was extremely probable. "Dobby could you please bring me a huge cup of coffee… French vanilla…"

                "Absolutely Miss!" Dobby squeaked, terror splayed across his face as he realized Malfoy Jr. was in the same room as him. He sprinted out of the room. Malfoy observed, with faint amusement. Until he felt Hermione's hand hit his cheek. Hard. Again! _Damn it!_

                "What did you do to him?" Hermione screeched. Malfoy winced. He had a problem with people who couldn't stop themselves from screeching. Ignoring Hermione, Malfoy sat on one of the undersize stools left out for the house elves. Hermione, still seething, sat beside him. Dobby re-entered and hastily set the coffee on a tray before Hermione, running out of the kitchen squealing apologies over his shoulder. Malfoy took a sip. _Coffee… damn I LOVE Granger!_ He thought, rather alarmingly as he downed the cup.

                "What did you do to Dobby?" Hermione repeated the question after Malfoy finished licking the sides of the mug.

                "Hm? Oh, Dobby…" Malfoy continued searching for the last traces of coffee. He was in quite a considerably good mood by now, and was planning on being ever so gracious to Hermione. After all, there was a first time for everything…

                "Yes! Dobby!" Hermione was seething.

                "Oh I don't know… guess he got whacked around a bit… wouldn't know, he just cleaned my room while I was out. His entire problem was that we didn't pay him. Strange, strange house elf. Good thing Lucius got rid of him. I picked up a nice little house elf at a quite reasonable price in France… hasn't given my mother any problems at all..." Hermione couldn't compose herself for minutes. Malfoy watched her, calmly sipping on his second cup of coffee that a different house elf had placed before him moments before. Hermione was sputtering on about 'sped' or something of the sort. Malfoy smiled at her frazzled hair, pink cheeks, and angry eyes. _All because of me…_ he thought, smugly.

                "Have you listened to a word I've said, Malfoy?"

                "Absolutely not."

                "Fine let's go," Hermione sighed.

                Bidding goodbye to the house elves, Hermione led the way to the outside corridor. From there Malfoy took over. Relieved he was not shaking compulsively anymore, he led Hermione to McGonagall's office, dreading the idea of McGonagall attempting to rape him once she had him in her evil, old, crusty clutch.

                "You want to tell me now why you were talking about kinky prudes… hey isn't that an oxymoron?" Hermione questioned herself. _Must restrain… gave me coffee… nice Mudblood… pretty Mudblood… must… not… be… mean!_ Draco battled himself again. Hermione sighed at the look of concentration on his face, finally deciding to just give it up.

                "Where have you two been? How long does it take to get to my office?" McGonagall scolded. Her hair was in disarray, and Hermione noticed that her left hand was shaking. Malfoy reluctantly entered the office behind Hermione, making sure the door was partially open.

                "That's my fault, Professor," he said, surprising everyone in the room, including himself. "I had a… medical problem that Granger here helped me with." Malfoy smiled happily at his brilliance. Now he was out of the Mudblood's debt.

                "What did you want to discuss with us, Professor?" Hermione broke the silence.

                "Right," McGonagall shuffled some papers and, after re-adjusting her glasses, sent Hermione and Draco a disapproving glare. "You were both well aware that you were suppose to patrol together. This is extremely serious, especially with the upcoming trip and Dumbledore's attempt to unite the school. Having a Gryffindor and Slytherin as Head Students means you must set an example for the rest of the school, or else this whole trip will be going to waste. Therefore, you will both be expected to serve detention for disobeying explicit instructions, _together,_ and have all of your patrols _together._ If this does not work, Professor Dumbledore will be forced to pick new Head Students. Do I make myself clear?" Each mumbling under their breaths, Hermione and Draco raced out of the office. Not quite sure what to do, they headed off to their dorms silently.

                "What McGonagall needs is a good shag," Hermione snapped out suddenly. Malfoy's face broke out into a wide grin.

                "I think I'm having a bad influence on you." Malfoy observed happily. Hermione rolled her eyes.

                "You're parents must be so proud."

                "Oh they would be… corrupting today's youth. I love it." Malfoy winked at Hermione. Disgusted, Hermione snapped the password to the portrait and slammed it closed before Malfoy could scramble through. With a jolt, Malfoy realized that that was the second time he had winked at Granger that day. "Maybe I am insane," he wondered aloud.

                "My vote is yes." Malfoy glared up at the portrait who dared to intrude upon his private thinking-out-loud time.

                "Hogwarts: A History!" he snapped. Vaguely he wished that every day could be as evil as this day had been. It brought quite a bit of entertainment to a dull life at Hogwarts.

A/N: Well, I must say, I think this chapter is my favorite so far. Could just be because I channeled my own coffee addiction to Draco but whatever. I figure you don't really know anything about Draco from the book except that he hates Harry and is rich, therefore I don't feel he's OOC. Well, let me know what you think! I'm outta school today, so maybe if you REVIEW I'll update… if not… I may just fall into depression and not be able to update for _months._

**REVIEW!**


	4. Life after death is life after you

A/N:  Sorry I took awhile after all my promises of quick updates with the coming summer- I didn't know I would be working 2 jobs however. And I don't have a computer at my beach house… anyway… here it its… thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! I was so excited; I sent this chapter to my beta as soon as I could. ;) Thanks for reading!

Funness- Ha ha, yes well I read through it and changed it for you. Thanks for reviewing, and let me know if you spot any more stupid contradictions! ;)

Queenbee- freaky?

CrystalDragonfly- Thanks so much! You rock x100. cookies all around, or perhaps coffee would be better suited :)

LeggomyLegolas40- I will if you keep reviewing… ;)

PrincessFaye- Sadly, I only realized that after you pointed it out.

Coca-Cola-Baby- You rock! Thanks so much, I was hoping they weren't _too_ OOC…

Paprika90- Here's the next chapter. Thanks for reviewing!

Hermione Granger10- What's a trip?

Usagigreenleaf657- is interesting bad?

PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much! Of course Draco would rub off on Hermione... too damn sexy for his own good… heh. Sorry. Back. ;)

Miss Raynbow- Thanks for reviewing!

Chapter 4- life after death is life after you

                "Wake up! Wake up! WAKE UP!" Draco rolled on his side, glaring at his 'talking' alarm clock innocently perched upon his nightstand. _Evil. Evil. Evil. _He squeezed his eyes shut. The incessant order continued, steadily growing louder. Draco shoved his pillow angrily over his head, pressing it tightly to his ears while burying his face in his bed. He had no idea how to turn off the horrible muggle contraption, and he could still hear it. The clock was a new present from his mother. She sent it yesterday with his regular assortment of sweets. Kind woman. The clock must die._ No one tells a Malfoy what to do,_ he thought, a strange glint in his unfocused eyes as the clock bellowed _WAKE UP!_ Throwing his pillow violently at it, Draco managed to knock an assortment of things surrounding it over. It was still yelling. The next thing Draco knew Hermione had burst into his room, her hair as usual in all directions and her eyes wide with shock.

                "Malfoy! We have Charms in 10 minutes! What the _hell_ are you doing in here? What is with that racket?" Draco looked down by his feet. His brand new alarm clock was lying in a crumpled heap on his soft green carpet. Draco looked back up and scowled at Hermione.

                "It was mocking me," he whined. Hermione stared at him in amazement and she threw her hands in the air as she stormed out of his room, yelling rude profanities over her shoulder. Draco's gaze slid back down to the ground as he glared at the evil alarm clock. It was still squeaking a faint command. Draco kicked it against the wall and went back to bed. 

                Hermione had mastered the Deletrius charm and was leaning back in her chair, idly disintegrating the replacement buttons Professor Flitwick had provided Harry and Ron after they set theirs in flames. Suddenly the classroom door burst open. Everyone in the class jumped with surprise except Hermione, who jolted back to proper posture. Malfoy had finally decided to make his grand appearance. Waltzing in, he gave Flitwick some poor excuse for his tardiness before slumping down in a seat diagonal from Hermione. Even though his robes were in disarray from his late start, his hair was impeccably gelled around his face. Glaring at him, Hermione threw the last button at the back of his head.

                "Who threw that?" Malfoy bellowed, jumping from his seat and hastily re-adjusting his hair. His eyes settled on Hermione who smiled at him. "Granger…" he growled, approaching her table with clenched fists.  "Was there something I could help you with?" he sneered. Hermione smiled even more brightly.

                "You remember that oh-so-special woman who was… can I say, somewhat on the _older_ side? The one you had your rendezvous with last night? The really kinky one that you said you couldn't stop thinking about? She simply begged me to give this to you…" Hermione replied, slowly reaching within her bag and pulling out a small scroll of paper. "…I think it's a love letter," she concluded in a seductive whisper, while trying to bite back her laughter. His eyes narrowed, Draco snatched the piece of parchment from Hermione's clenched grip. His eyes scanned it swiftly. By now the whole class had abandoned any work they had been attempting to watch Malfoy. Even Professor Flitwick tried not to look interested as he watched them over the rim of his textbook.  The note read:

_Your detention will take place at ten o'clock tonight. Meet me in the entrance hall. Signed- Professor M. McGonagall. _

                "You are an evil, evil girl, Granger," Draco said, crumpling the paper into a small ball, "…and I will get you back for that."

                "Is that a threat, Malfoy?"

                "It's a promise," he sneered, without a trace of jest in his eyes. Hermione snorted.

                "How about instead you go bounce around a hallway or something, it would be much more productive," Hermione suggested, returning to her work. _10 points to Miss Granger…_ she thought, smugly. Draco turned pink, then red, then purple before slamming himself back into his seat next to Blaise.

                "Cheating on me, Draco darling?" Blaise joked as she traced a hand slowly up his arm, not even bothering to pretend she hadn't been shamelessly eavesdropping. 

                "I'll get back at her," Draco assured Blaise, his brows furrowed as Hermione grabbed her wand and headed to the front of the classroom, her nose high in the air and a smug smile across her face.

                "Whatever you say," Blaise agreed, distracted suddenly as her button burst into flames, much like Harry's and Ron's had. "Now how did that happen?" she asked no one in particular. Malfoy shrugged. Who cared? It was seventh year, and they were all leaving in two months anyway.

                "Did you need any help, Zabini?" Hermione had apparently returned, much to Draco's displeasure. It was rather pathetic how excited she looked, all over a button.

                "No we don't need to give you an opportunity to show off, Mudblood," Draco snarled cutting off whatever Blaise was going to say. _Why is she always trying into butt in everyone's business?_ Blaise shoved Malfoy in the stomach. _Ahhh, they're all against me! Abuse!_

                "Actually Granger, I do need some help. I just can't seem to get this to disintegrate- the button just burst into flames!" Draco gaped. So did Harry and Ron. Flitwick joined in. The whole class quickly decided to stop what they were doing to gape at Hermione and Blaise. This proved ill for Neville since his book had caught fire instead of the button, which then traveled up the sleeve of Neville's robe.  Yet the class continued to gape as Hermione helped Blaise until the bell rang ten minutes later. Neville left rather quickly to the Hospital Wing. Draco was practically comatose.

                "What the hell Blaise?" Draco snarled, trying to pull himself together and intimidate Zabini at the same time. This was rather difficult since he had just had a near death experience moments before. Picking up her books, Blaise slowly pushed some of her long black hair over her shoulder while looking at Draco with distaste.

                "Stop being an ass, Malfoy. I asked the girl for help, not to be my best friend. Chill out." Blaise glared at Draco through her smoky lashes, daring him to say anything back. Personally she had thought Draco had been extremely rude to Granger. Of course it's fun to harass people when provoked, but not just because they happened to be friends with Harry Potter. Plus Blaise didn't appreciate him butting into her conversations, so she had decided to accept Granger's offer. Blaise was thoroughly convinced she had just made history. Stories and songs would be made about this event. It was a turning point in the century. She noticed Draco was still glaring at her. He looked like she had just tried to Avada him. Sighing to herself, Blaise turned and left Draco alone in the charms room to stare at the wall or do whatever he needed to comfort himself.

                Hermione trudged up the stairs behind Harry and Ron, heading to her first lesson of Defense Against the Dark Arts with Ravenclaw. _Why did Blaise let me help her? _Hermione thought, reflecting on the unusual Charms class.  Harry and Ron had immediately bombarded Hermione with questions as soon as the lesson had ended, wrenching her away from the Slytherin girl as quickly as they could. Hermione had shrugged them off. Blaise had been fairly pleasant to her as Hermione had corrected her pronunciation for the spell, and she even had thanked her afterwards. Too bad some other Slytherins weren't as agreeable.

                "Hermione!" Ron turned, realizing that she had started to lag behind and that he had been talking to himself for quite a while now. "Hermione I forgot to ask you… what note did you give Malfoy?" Hermione snorted, a mischievous light in her eyes.

                "Lets just say that Malfoy _really_ enjoys Professor McGonagall's company, and leave it at that, shall we?" Ron stared at Hermione. Harry stopped dead in his track.

                "Bad visuals, bad visuals, _very_ bad visuals!" Harry started yelling, squeezing his eyes shut and jamming his fingers into his ears, humming a tune. Ron went white.

                "Are you saying that Malfoy and McGonagall…" he gasped. Hermione burst out in laughter.

                "Ask him yourself why don't you? We're going to be late…" Hermione grumbled, grabbing her wide-eyed friends and dragging them to the entrance of Defense Against the Dark Arts. "Stop!" she hissed, as Ron started to twitch. Taking a deep breath, Hermione stepped into the classroom nervously. Normally she was not one to be intimidated by teachers, but as this professor had been absent from the start-of-term feast and absent from every dinner since Hermione was not quite sure what to expect. She was surprised to find a rather young man with neat, dark hair and deep brown eyes sitting behind the teacher's desk. She froze like a deer caught in a car's headlights as the man stared directly at her. Hermione opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He did not look very happy.

                "Names please?" he said silkily, raising an eyebrow as Harry and Ron shoved past Hermione. Harry and Ron stopped in their tracks. The whole class was already assembled, and this man who couldn't be much older than them was staring down with a look of disgust. Hermione was about to start hyperventilating at the prospect of making a bad first impression on a new teacher.

                "I'm sorry sir-" Harry said, stepping forward after an awkward moment of silence. "I'm Harry sir, Harry Potter. And these are my friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley." A new expression came over the strange man's face.

                "My name is Professor Hook, and I will be your new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Are you really Harry Potter?" Hermione looked from Hook to Harry, and back to Hook again.

                "Yes…" Harry replied, uncertainly. Hook's face lit up and split into a wide grin.

                "Can I have your autograph?" he asked with short gasps of air a little too anxiously. Ron breathed a sigh of relief. Hermione glared at him, dragging Ron to two open seats in the last row, leaving Harry alone with Professor Hook, who was now going on about his little sister and his mom and how sweet they were and how much they would so love to meet him. Harry looked very nervous as Professor Hook ushered him to an available seat in the front row, situated right in front of his desk. Harry sat down reluctantly, shooting dark looks to the corner Hermione and Ron had grabbed. Hermione grinned cheekily back.

                "We have now met the President of the 'Harry Potter fan club'." Ron laughed at Harry's expense, while giving Harry thumbs up. Harry made a rude gesture back. Hermione chuckled, pulling some books out of her bag.

                "I know… imagine what Malfoy would think if he was here!" Hermione continued to laugh. Ron observed her with stony silence.

                "What made you think of Malfoy so quick, Hermione?" he asked, accusingly. Hermione stopped laughing and looked at him, startled.

                "What are you talking about, Ron?"

                "Why was Malfoy the first thing that came to your mind?" Ron snarled. Hermione glared, anger boiling within her. _What was his deal?_

                "Whatever you are implying Ronald Weasley, you better make sure your facts are straight or you wont have any friends to worry about." Ron looked startled, and then suddenly guilty.

                "I'm sorry Hermione, I didn't mean it like that… you just seem to bring him up a lot more now…"

                "Yeah, so? I see him more than I see either you or Harry now. That doesn't mean anything. So why don't you stop acting like a prat and let me know when you've finally decided to act your age. I'll be the one who's _not_ sitting near you." Hermione huffed and picked up her books, only to slam them down on a desk a row up. Professor Hook looked up from his continued 'conversation' with Harry at the noise, but dismissed it as he finally realized it was time to start the lesson. Hermione drummed her fingers against her book, waiting for class to end. _It's no wonder Ron can't keep a girlfriend!_

When the bell finally rang Hermione stood and rushed out of the classroom. Professor Hook held Harry back for a more detailed description of each of Hook's past and present pets, and Hermione wasn't talking to Ron. Hermione decided to forfeit her lunch, feeling the need for some quality time with the library.

                "Malfoy! Is it true?" Pansy squealed, plopping herself down in the seat next to Draco before he could stop her. Draco had been peacefully staring at his coffee at dinner, completely oblivious to the whispers that surrounded him.

                "Is what true, Pansy?" Malfoy inquired, not really caring in the least bit. His whole attention was now concentrated on the sweet coffee in his hands.

                "What people are saying about you and Professor McGonagall, of course!" Pansy screeched in a high voice. _Why does every single person have to screech in my presence?_ It took a moment for Draco to understand what Pansy was implying. Draco spit out his coffee in shock.

                "People are saying _what?_" Draco growled, lowering his voice while praying Pansy would get the hint and lower her voice. She didn't.

                "Oh they're saying all sorts of things… but of you, the newest of the news is that you and McGonagall have been having some sort of sordid affair for months that you admitted to in Charms today at 9:21 a.m." Most of the Slytherins near enough to hear the conversation turned away in disgust. Draco merely stared at her. _No one knew who that note was from in Charms… unless…_

"She must have told them!" Draco snarled, suddenly slamming a fist on the table. By now all the surrounding Slytherins had run for cover. Granger must have let Weasley and Potter in on their little joke… "I'm going to kill her!" Draco muttered. Oh he was so going to get back at her.

                Pansy looked at Draco in amazement. She had never heard him speak so passionately about a woman… it was so sweet. It _was_ pretty gross that he had hit it off with an 80-year-old Gryffindor or whatever, but the look in his eyes when he found out! Pansy burst into tears. The next thing he knew, Draco had a sobbing Pansy wrapping her arms around him.

                "Er- Pansy- what are you doing?" Pansy sniffed, and looked up at Draco bleary eyed, a ghost of a smile on her face.  

                "I'm just so happy that you found love, Draco!" she wailed, much to Draco's horror. First of all, Draco hated people crying. Second, he hated girls crying. And lastly, he hated girls crying _on_ him. Especially when the Great Hall is dead silent…_ oh crap._ Draco thought._ The Great Hall is very quiet… and everyone's looking at me… Pansy's going on about who knows what…_ Pansy seemed to have come to some sense and jumped from the table. She blew Draco a quick kiss and went running top speed, bawling out of the Great Hall. Draco was utterly bemused and oddly pleased._ As long as she's not crying on me…_ he thought, looking down at his now tear-stained robes. _God I hate stupid people!_

                "You!" Draco yelled at Hermione, disturbing the entire library. Luckily for him, Madame Pince was nowhere to be seen. Hermione jumped in her seat, cursing at Draco under her breath.

                "What the _hell_ do you want, Malfoy?" she hissed, realizing that all eyes in the library were on them.

                "You evil, conniving… gossiper!" Draco accused. Hermione's eyes widened. No one had ever called her a gossiper before! How dare he… "You told Potter and Weasley that I was screwing around with McGonagall!"_ Oh yeah…_ Hermione smiled. "Now the whole school thinks it's true!" Hermione was surprised. She didn't think Harry and Ron would tell anyone, although she was thankful they did, since Malfoy's expression was priceless.

                "I'm sorry Malfoy," Hermione said, sarcastically. "I guess you totally didn't deserve it at all. You've done absolutely nothing to me since we came to Hogwarts." Draco stared. Hermione was actually admitting that she was acting out of line!_ I don't know why she's had it in for me… first she abuses me in third year, and now she's spreading rumors about me! Well, if she's really sorry…_

                "It's ok, Granger. I forgive you," he said solemnly. Hermione stared at him.

                "I think you have selective memory issues, Malfoy." Draco blinked.

                "Yeah, don't start using all your muggle mumbo-jumbo on me, I'm on to you Granger. I know your dirty little secret." Hermione sighed. Talking to Malfoy was like talking to a wall.

                "Shut up, Malfoy. I think we have to head down to the entrance hall now, anyway. Our detention starts soon." Draco looked startled. He had completely forgotten about his impending detention with the kink ball. Shaking, he waited for Hermione to collect all of her books, which she was determined to do _very slowly_.

                "Speed it up, Granger!" he yelped, shifting uneasily. Hermione looked up and was startled to find Draco looking extremely nervous.

                "What's wrong with you?" she snapped, finally throwing her bag over her shoulder. Draco glared at her.

                "First, think of who we're going to see. Now think whom we're going to see, knowing that she's probably heard the rumors and thinks I'm having some… I don't know, old people fetish thing or something." Hermione burst into laughter.

                "You know you _should_ show Professor McGonagall some more respect… she _is_ a teacher after all." Hermione reminded Draco, after controlling herself. Draco glared at her, however before he could retort, they had reached the entrance hall to find McGonagall waiting for them.

                "Hello Miss Granger, Malfoy. You two will be cleaning the trophy room tonight with Filch. You may leave at midnight."

                "Why do we have to clean the trophy room? It's not like anyone even goes in there!" Draco whined. Hermione cringed. McGonagall swelled up.

                "Mister Malfoy! Thirty points from Slytherin for your insolence! Now off you go!" Grumbling, Draco reluctantly followed Hermione out of the room.

                "I can't believe that bitch took 500 points from Slytherin!" Draco complained, kicking a suit of armor that dared to laugh at him. Hermione goggled at him.

                "Selective memory," she muttered, wondering what medication she could possibly put him on. Reaching the trophy room, they found Filch waiting for them at the door, looking ever so pleasant as always.

                "Get in here, you troublemakers! Don't know what's good for you, eh? Think you can get away with anything… well take a good look around, because if I see one speck of dirt in this entire room you two will be spending the rest of the year hanging from your wrists from the ceilings! Oh yes, I can just feel it- this is going to be the year! Dumbledore will crack! Then you two will be at my liberty, still got the chains in my office and everything… well get on now, you know what to do, no magic, hand over your wands you'll get them back when your done. Everything you need is in the closet, I'll return for you at midnight." Cackling, Filch locked the door behind him, leaving Hermione and Draco alone in the Trophy room.

                "You know… Filch seems just as lonely as McGonagall," Hermione said slowly as she shuffled through the closet, bringing out some rags and mops.

                "I think we should lock them in Filch's office with all his whips and chains." Draco agreed, nodding vigorously. Hermione stopped in her tracks, closing her eyes against the visuals.

                "Why do you always do that!" she screeched. Draco snorted.

                "You brought it up," he pointed out. Huffing, Hermione pushed a broom in Draco's hands and grabbed a rag and some polish for herself.

                "You sweep and mop, I'll polish," she instructed. Draco pouted.

                "Why do I have to do _two_ things and you only one?"

                "Fine, go ahead and polish instead." Hermione grinned, switching materials with Draco and quickly starting on a corner of the room. Draco looked down at what Hermione had just placed in his hands at a loss.

                "Granger…" he whined. Hermione threw a duster at him.

                "You push the nozzle up and squeeze the bottle to get some polish onto the rag, then you rub it into the trophies. Then take another rag and wipe them dry." Draco's face fell at the multiple instructions. Hermione amused herself watching him tentatively pour some of the cleaner on the rag and end up getting it all over his shirt.

                "You have to do it like _this,"_ Hermione ordered, crossing the room. She took the rag and cleaner and demonstrated how to clean the trophies. Draco looked at the broom in her hands.

                "Want to switch?" he suggested, smiling brilliantly. Heaving an exasperated sigh, Hermione shoved the broom in Draco's hands. He experimentally pushed it back and forth.

                "Hey! This is easy! I knew it Granger! You were trying to stick me with all the hard chores!" Not exactly remembering it the same way, Hermione shook her head sadly, and started cleaning each of the stupid trophies.

                "Hey look- I found Harry and Ron's!" Hermione exclaimed a while later, coming across their Special Awards for Services to the School that Harry and Ron had received in their second year. Draco looked up from his mopping.

                "Ha ha… how ironic! You probably figured everything out, and then got petrified so they got all the credit! And now you have to clean _their _trophies! Ha ha!" Hermione stared at Draco. She had never thought of it that way. But now that she thought about it… Hermione shook her head. Malfoy was just trying to rattle her.

                "Shut up, Malfoy." She moved on to the next trophy.

                "Hey, no one tells a Malfoy what to do!" Draco exclaimed.

                "Wow, I just did," Hermione gasped loudly. Draco caught on to the sarcasm this time and glared at her. Hermione smiled. It wasn't everyday you got to see high and regal Draco Malfoy glare at you while covered in dirt and grime and his hair in disarray.

A/N: heh. It's almost sad how easily I can amuse myself. This chapter was a bitch to write. I wanted to elaborate more on the detention, but umm yeah at the rate It's going to be like chapter 4392741 by the time they get to the muggle home. However there's still more to come before they're off! Evil cackle ahem. **PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**


	5. You're so Last Summer

A/N:  Thanks to my wonderful reviewers!

Rae- I live to entertain all of you

Chamorro- I'm glad I wasn't around when that almost happened! keyword = almost

Paprika90- thanks a bunch ;) keep up with the reviews!

Zoltaire- your poor computer! Alright, put down the soda, and proceed to read =D

PinkTribeChick- thanks so much. My beta was like, cringing when she read the part that involved Filtch, McGonagall, and chains. And then she yelled at me about the rumor. ;) thanks for reading!

Chapter 5- You're so last summer

                   "Settle down class, settle down," a small voice commanded from the doorframe of the Muggle Studies classroom. All the seventh years were squashed into a rather small classroom, creating quite a bit of confusion and noise. Harry continued to complain to anyone who would listen about his inevitable absence from Quidditch. Ron tried to reverse the spell Seamus had cast on his hair. Poor Ron, Seamus had intended to only tone down his hair's flamboyant color, and instead had accidentally turned Ron blond.

                   "Ha Ha!" Malfoy managed to sneer through the confusion, jabbing people in the side and kicking others to reach Ron in all his blonde glory. "Sorry Weasley, I know you want to look just like me, but blonde just _isn't_ your color!" Hermione pursed her lips, trying not to smile as she tried to help Ron change his hair back before Ron had a meltdown. A loud noise resounding through the room brought everyone's attention to Neville shooting up into the air and landing on Parvati Patil. Pansy smiled smugly, returning her wand inside her robes.

                   "Class…" their professor called from the doorframe again, attempting to push her way to the front. Ron's hair caught on fire. Harry screamed and fell off his chair. While putting out the fire Hermione accidentally shot some water at a passing Slytherin, who retaliated by shooting water back at Hermione. Of course Hermione was not one to start immature fights, but she had _just_ fixed her hair! This was war…

                   "Class… please…" Professor Whatever-Her-Name-Is called, reaching the front of the class. A war had broken between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins. Everyone was drenched and trying to get everyone else drenched. The Hufflepuffs were clustered in a corner trying to shield their eyes from the discord. Neville whimpered. The Ravenclaws decided to join with the Gryffindors against the Slytherins, outnumbering the Slytherins by about four to one. Malfoy shrieked and started stunning everyone in sight when water touched his impeccably gelled hair. 

                   _"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" _the professor screamed, using the 'sonorous' charm that sent the class into shock. The silence was deafening. "Thank you. Now," she proceeded in a small voice, re-positioning her glasses. Her robes were a weary gray, matching her short frizzy hair perfectly. She had lipstick on her teeth and her eye lids were bright blue. She had large bags under her eyes and a lopsided smile that made everyone edge away from her. "My name is Professor Rabidstraw and I will be your Muggle Studies Professor until your trip in November." Each word was spoken very, very slowly. The noise started up again. "Now class," she pleaded. Malfoy switched from stunning fellow students to using the full body bind on them. Pansy and Neville were the first down.  "Class…!" Ron continued to finger his burnt hair with horror. Hermione attempted to transfigure Draco into a ferret to stop him from harassing everyone, however only managed to give him white fur, ears, and a tail. Draco squeaked in horror. "Class…" Laughing at Draco, Harry managed to fall off his desk again, this time landing on Blaise Zabini.

                   "You don't have to move if you don't want to, you know." Blaise suggested, fluttering her lashes while provocatively rubbing her leg against Harry. Eyes wide, Harry managed to jump straight in the air, clutching Hermione for dear life only to find her hexed into a half-beaver.

                   _"SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!"_ Professor Rabidstraw yelled, restoring the room to the previous dead silence. "Anyone with injuries may proceed to the infirmary, everyone else follow me into the Great Hall for more space- no Miss Brown, smeared make up does _not_ count as an injury…" the rest of her words were drowned out as everyone tried to exit the room as quickly as possible. Neville was kicked in the head in his attempt to get up. Malfoy shoved his way violently through the throngs of people, trying to cover as much of his ferret side as possible. Hermione and Ron left Harry as they headed to the infirmary, followed by a number of other students as they were revived from the floor.

Madame Pomfrey's eyes widened as the group clustered outside her small office in the hospital wing, each ranging in a wide spectrum of ailments. She was glad to find that Dumbledore's plan was working out _so_ well.

                   "Hermione?" Harry stepped up to Hermione's bed cautiously. Many of the students had been sent out of the infirmary after Madame Pomfrey had fixed them up. The only remaining students from the disastrous Muggle Studies class were Hermione, Malfoy, and Neville. Hermione had a tail and beaver teeth, while Madame Pomfrey had only been able to rid Draco of his fur, leaving him with ears and a tail. Neville had been sitting in a corner, twitching, not responding to anyone. Everyone was _quite_ upset.

                   "Wha 'Airee?" Hermione tried to form her words around the unnaturally long teeth. Tears welled in her eyes. Not being able to talk… ahhh! Ron appeared behind Harry, looking none too pleasant himself. Since Madame Pomfrey didn't actually think of his hair as a problem and even insisted it looked better than before, he was stuck with burnt, blonde hair. And it looked like that was how it was going to remain, as Hermione couldn't even form sentences, never mind pull off some vanity spell. Ron pouted in a corner.

                   "Come over here Weasley and I'll fix your hair all up… heh… heh…" Draco wheezed from the corner. Hermione rolled her eyes, creating a very strange effect with her new beaver side. Harry stifled his laugh.

                   "So… erm… Hermione… how are you?" he jumped to the side, fearing her wrath. He had deducted from previous experience that Hermione could tend to be a bit unpredictable when suffering great bouts of stress.

                   "How you 'ink I am 'Airee!" Hermione was not happy. Not happy at all.

                   "Erm… well… we brought you the homework!" Harry tried hastily. Hermione smiled eerily with her buckteeth.

                   "Oh 'ank you 'Airee!" she squealed, grabbing at the book, "Electricity: How to use in Muggle Households." Chapter One: Why You Should _Not_ Stick Your Fingers Or Wands In Electrical Sockets. _Heh…_ Hermione thought evilly,_ if only I can get my hands on dear old Draco's copy… heh._ Harry and Ron edged out of the infirmary. The look on Hermione's face was enough to send anyone running.

Hermione felt like screaming. Even though Madame Pomfrey had been able to remove her beaver side and Malfoy's ferret side, she still was keeping them in the infirmary over night just as a precaution against any side effects. So here she was, forced into the same room with the king of ferrets to spend the night glaring daggers at each other. Life was simply not fair.

"Ah, Miss Granger, Mister Malfoy. I hope to find you two recovering well?" Hermione's eyes widened and she nodded vigorously, shocked to find that the headmaster had come to a halt before her, so intently she had been glaring at Draco. "My business is anything but wonderful, I'm afraid. Never, and may I stress _never,_ has there been such a dispute in a class, especially one where the Head students were forced into the infirmary. Did you two transfigure each other?" Hermione was a bit shocked by the bluntness of the question, but seeing the grave look in Dumbledore's eyes, she understood the seriousness. Hanging her head, she was just about to open her mouth to respond when Draco cut her off.

"Actually Professor, we were both hit by… stray curses! We were trying to put a stop the madness when we were both hit!" Draco nodded vigorously. Hermione sat there stunned. Just what was Malfoy playing at?

"Is this true Miss Granger?" Dumbledore turned his searching eyes upon Hermione. She was quite sure Dumbledore had a pretty good idea what was going on, however she found herself nodding.

"Yes Professor," she responded softly. Dumbledore gave her another long searching gaze before speaking again.

"May I remind you two that if an occurrence like this morning is repeated, the trip will have to be canceled? For the time being you both shall not have your positions taken away… yet. It's up to you to make sure the school is united by the end of the year. See to it." Dumbledore gave each a piercing glare before gliding out of the Hospital Wing. Hermione waited until his footsteps faded completely, before rounding on Malfoy.

"What the _hell_ was that?" she sputtered.

"That was me saving both of our asses. I'll be waiting for your formal gushing letter of gratitude by owl." Hermione stared. Shrugging his shoulders, Draco shoved his covers off himself and quietly crept to the door.

"Where are you going?" Hermione hissed. Draco glared at her in annoyance from his crouched position on the floor.

"Getting my triple shot vendi French vanilla with mike and foam, genius. Now shut up!" he hissed, eyeing the light under Madame Pomfrey's door warily. Trying to work out what Draco had just said, Hermione scrambled out of bed.

"I'm coming!" she whispered fiercely.

"No you're bloody well not!" Draco sputtered, quite upset at Hermione sudden interest in stalking him. He heard a chair scrape across the floor in Pomfrey's office. Closing his eyes Draco tuned out Hermione's outburst of indignation. They would be caught before he would be able to curse her. Damn.

"Fine, you can come already! Just shut up!" he snarled, grabbing her hand to pull her out the door into the silent hall. Realizing he had touched her purposely, Draco dropped Hermione's hand as if it were poisonous and rushed down the next hall. Hermione watched his retreating back for a moment surprised, before following him quickly to the far away kitchens.

                   Hermione scanned the crowds in Hogsmeade, looking for signs of her best friends. Having been released from the infirmary past noon, Hermione had arrived at Hogsmeade later then her meeting time with Harry and Ron for lunch. The only good part of the ordeal was that Draco had opted to stay at Hogwarts for reasons unknown to Hermione. A Draco-free morning! Hermione felt like singing. Instead she decided to head to the bookstore before returning to the search for her friends.

                   "Excuse me, do you happen to have a revised copy of Hogwarts: A History?" Hermione asked a short, frail woman with greasy blonde hair behind the counter. She glared at Hermione.

                   "Of course not. That isn't released until next July," the woman snapped, turning to the next customer, muttering something about teenagers these days. Hermione felt her world crashing around her. Tears were brimming. There was no way Malfoy was going to get to lounge around with that book till next July! Hermione would be getting her hands on a copy, even if she had to hold Draco's Nimbus 2004 for ransom. Which would probably work. Hermione had heard some strange tales about Draco and his broom. Something about him polishing it every night. But that's beside the point.

_I will get that book!_ she thought vehemently. Too angry to browse the rest of the bookstore, Hermione rushed out of the store and ran straight into… Ron. Who had his arm around Luna Lovegood. Hermione blanched.

                   "Oh, hi Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, letting go of Luna to steady Hermione. "What happened to you?"

                   "Oi- Ron! Come here and check out this new flavor of chocolate from Honeydukes!" Harry called from the other side of the street. Hermione took in the situation. Harry was walking over to Ron with his arm around Ginny. Ron was standing in front of her with his own arm looped through Luna Lovegood's. Luna was looking at Hermione with pity. Hermione's eyes narrowed. It was so nice to see that they had ditched her to go on some sketchy double date! And Ron…_ Oh my God._ Hermione thought suddenly. _I like Ron! Ron likes me! What the hell is going on?_ Harry finally noticed Hermione was standing in front of Ron. He suddenly looked really, really guilty.

                   "Hermione?" Harry probed, upset to find a glimpse of pain flash across her face before being masked again. How could he have forgotten about Hermione's crush on Ron! Hermione's eyes met Harry's bright green one's understandingly. "Hermione I'm sorry-"

                   "What are you sorry about, Harry? Wait, what's going on?" Ron asked, utterly bemused as he looked back and forth between Hermione and Harry. Luna for once remained silent. Hermione broke her gaze off from Harry.

                   "Absolutely nothing- Harry had asked me to meet up with you guys and I guess he had forgotten. It's no big deal!" Hermione emphasized this with a loud fake laugh. "I mean, you guys have other things to do, so, I'm just going to head back up to the school! I'll see you all later!" waving to the stunned group, Hermione kept the forced grin on her face until she had made her way to the street leading back to Hogwarts. Only then did she let a single tear fall. Brushing it aside hastily, Hermione set off at a brisk walk, deciding against taking the carriages back. So Ron was going out with Luna? When did this happen? Why hadn't anyone mentioned it to her? Especially Harry. Harry knew Hermione had feelings for Ron. She felt like she had been completely alienated from her best friends. _Am I?_ She asked herself suddenly._ Now that it's all over, Voldemort's reign and the Order, am I no longer needed? Since there aren't going to be anymore yearly adventures that they need my brains for? Are we only supposed to be friends to unite against Voldemort, and now they don't feel they need me anymore? Is it now Harry, Ginny, Ron and Luna?_ Anger boiled in Hermione. She wasn't about to take this! With a faltering step she realized that her heart wasn't breaking from Ron, but from their friendship. What was going on?

                   Hermione slammed the portrait door closed behind her. Ignoring the squeak of indignation from the annoyed portrait, Hermione made a beeline for Draco's dorm. She was not in a good mood, and she wanted that damn book!

                   "Granger," Draco acknowledged as Hermione burst into his bedroom. Hermione jaw dropped open. Draco was sitting in a plush green armchair with one of his feet in a basin of water that had steam rising from it. The other foot was propped on top of Blaise Zabini's lap, who was taking great care in filing each toenail. Hermione turned many shades of red.

                   "Oh my God!" Hermione finally managed to scream. Blaise looked up in annoyance.

                   "Do you mind keeping your voice down? It disturbs Draco from his thinking time, " she instructed in a soft voice. Hermione sputtered.

                   "_Draco_ doesn't need 'thinking time', because _Draco_ doesn't know how to think!" Hermione replied tartly. Draco looked at her in annoyance.

                   "Is there any particular reason you're here, Mudblood?" he sneered. Draco was quite surprised for Hermione looked like she was about to cry. What the hell is wrong with her?

                   "Actually yes," Hermione snarled back, striding forward to Draco's desk and snatching what she wanted from it, "I'm borrowing this. Deal." Draco's eyes narrowed as Hermione departed from the room with his new copy of Hogwarts: A History. There was most certainly something up with her. This would require further investigation.

                   "Draco, I think you need to switch feet now," Blaise instructed, breaking Draco's trail of thought. He silently complied.

                   Finding herself unable to remain in the school, Hermione had made her way outside, settling herself by the lake with Draco's book. Before she knew it she was deeply immersed in it. She was taking great pride with the chapter about house elves and their part in Hogwarts. Of course there was no mention of S.P.E.W., but that would be amended once Hermione sent her letter to the editor… Hermione's thoughts trailed off by the snapping of a twig. Looking up, Hermione saw Malfoy approaching her.

                   "Enjoy the book?" he asked casually as he sat down on the grass beside Hermione.

                   "Immensely. Enjoy your pedicure?" Hermione replied, twirling a blade of grass between her index finger and her thumb. Draco watched the blade with seemingly great interest.

                   "Immensely," he replied, now lying on the ground. Not quite sure what to make of the situation, Hermione followed his example. "So are you going to tell me or am I going to have to guess?" Draco said after a moment. "Was it Pothead or Weasel who dumped you?"

                   "It's none of your business, Malfoy." Hermione snapped, her eyes closed against the afternoon sun. Draco shrugged even though she couldn't see him. He didn't know what her problem was! He just wanted to know what was going on so he could see if he won the tiny little bet he and Zabini had set up. He had his money on the Weasel, although Blaise had argued that Hermione could have been the other woman, but Potter had finally told Hermione that he was seriously in love with Ginny… not just using her as a cover so Ron wouldn't go berserk. With a start Draco suddenly realized something very important. He had no life.

                   "Fine whatever. How's the book?" he tried again. Maybe if he could ease himself into the topic…

                   "You know how the book is, you've already read it genius. Now what are you up to?" Hermione snarled. _God no wonder she's single! _Draco thought in annoyance.

"You're going to turn out like McGonagall if you don't start being more pleasant, Mudblood." Draco laughed before he could stop himself. Hermione's eyes flew open and she looked ready to murder.

"Ok, ok I'm going," he held up his hands in defeat before Hermione could pull out his wand to curse him, again. "Just remember Filch with all his chains…" he added, turning his back on her.

                   "Oh shut up Draco!" Hermione screeched, throwing her shoe at the back of his head. Which hurt. Badly.

                   "You evil, conniving, mudblood, bookworm, beaver-" Draco ranted, rubbing his head where the shoe had landed, to find a hair out of place. A strange look came over his face.

                   "Die!" he screamed, grabbing Hermione around her waist and dumping her in the lake. Feeling quite satisfied with himself, Draco waited for Hermione to resurface so he could laugh in her face. He waited. And waited. And… crap. _Hmm, I wonder if she can swim?_ Draco thought rather worried. It would not look good on his record if Draco Malfoy, the son of a well-know death eater had killed Hermione Granger, the best friend of Harry Potter. No, that wouldn't do.

                   "Granger…" he called, hoping Hermione would miraculously hear him and jump out of the water. Damn! Muggles probably don't know how to swim! They probably weren't smart enough! How the hell was he supposed to know that! Of course it probably would have helped if he had actually attended the Muggle Studies class… or did the homework… "Granger!" he called a little more urgently. _Damn her!_ he thought, testing the water with his fingers. It was much too cold for his liking. Grimacing, he slowly removed his robes and shoes and waded into the water. _Damn her!!!!_ He plunged into the water after a final goodbye to good hair. Getting quite panicked, he resurfaced for a gasp of breath to find… Hermione. Standing on the bank. Looking at him in the water.

                   "You- you wench! I thought you were still in the lake! Why you little-" Hermione grinned, enjoying the moment of seeing Draco Malfoy completely soaked with his hair disheveled. Which actually looked pretty hot. But that was probably just Ginny's influence on her.

                   "Lesson number one, Malfoy. Many Muggles live near water. Therefore, most Muggles can swim. I myself have been swimming since I was five, so next time you try and outsmart me, keep it in mind that you don't know jack about me." Smirking, Hermione left Draco screeching in the middle of the pond and headed to dinner. Leaving his book by his robes and shoes, Hermione walked back to the school wondering how on earth she was going to be able to escape Malfoy if all of her friends had coupled up.

A/N: Professor Rabidstraw was taken directly from Sister Mary Elephant. No joke. It's actually a really funny clip, and I think no one is actually going to laugh at this chapter unless they listen to it. So if you have any fun, illegal music downloading services, look up 'sister mary elephant' alrighty? I swear it will make this chapter x10000000000000000000000000000000 funnier.

Besides that… until next time. Leave me many many reviews, because it is what I thrive on.

I also don't actually feel motivated enough to write if I don't have any reviews. So ha.

**Review!**


	6. With the Lights out it's Less Dangerous

A/N: As always, thanks for all the wonderful reviews. A quick reminder, ALL THE SEVENTH YEARS HAVE TO TAKE MUGGLE STUDIES. Dumbledore announced it at the feast, because they all need to prepare to stay with muggles. So that wasn't me just randomly just going off on something! :)

WALLY- here you go, thanks for reading and keep reviewing!

PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much! Hopefully it'll get even better once they get in the 'muggle world' ;)

Funness- I'm sorry you didn't like it. As I already said above though, all the seventh years did have to take muggle studies together. Harry and Ron may have been non-canon, I didn't even notice probably because I don't particularly like them. I'll make more of an effort to not make any character OOC. Also, all the titles of my chapters and the title of this story are random lyrics from different song. "You're so Last Summer" is by Taking Back Sunday, and usually they're just random lyrics from songs that I'm listening to while writing. I didn't particularly like Rabidstraw's name either—before I had her Professor Mobstank but my beta made me change that one. I'm not the best at making up names, especially since everyone at Hogwarts happens to have very different names. "Sister Mary Elephant" is a clip, it's by Cheech and Chong I think, my friend showed it to me and I downloaded it because I thought it was hilarious. Not many people have heard of it though. Unfortunately, I don't sympathize with you about Rabidstraw's plight, as I didn't particularly like her in the first place. Thank you for the feedback though, and I hope you like this chapter better. Keep reviewing!

CrystalDragonfly- Thanks so much! Party for Draco on coffee! (Let's just hope he doesn't discover expresso shots, shall we?) :D

Jakalaki- Harry and Ron aren't exactly going to ditch Hermione, they're just kinda caught up they're own lives right now. They wont be in the picture too much however, with the trip and all. Thanks so much, I kinda figure Hermione and Draco getting together would be funnier than it would be Drama, especially if it's after Voldemort. They'll eventually be nicer to each other, but it can't just happen over night. Gotta keep that tension of them not really knowing what they're doing! ;)

FriesWithThat- thanks a bundle! Everyone seems kinda thrown off by the Sister Mary Elephant thing… er, maybe we should just forget about it. Or look it up. It's by Cheech and Chong. Thanks for reading, and keep reviewing!

Paprika90- Haha thanks so much! I think Hermione needs to make her own identity too… I'm thinking the muggle world will be a good opportunity ;). Although Harry and Ron aren't going to be in the story so much, they're still going to be a part of her life. They've been friends for what- 7 years? I think I would be going a little _too_ non-cannon if I split them up, no matter how amusing it would be. :)

Piedermort- thanks so much! Keep reviewing! Love the name btw, entertainment at its best ;)

Zoltaire- I'm glad you spared you're keyboard from that horrific end. Check out my summary credited to you ;)

Chapter 6- with the lights out its less dangerous

The next two months passed in a blur between a rapid increase of work, replacement tryouts for Quidditch (Hermione had to endure Harry, Ron, _and_ Draco complaining about it nonstop), Muggle Studies with Professor Rabidstraw, and of course Neville asking Blaise Zabini out. It had been extremely entertaining to watch Neville plan out each day how he was going to woo Blaise, and made time speed by rather quickly for most of the seventh years. Of course only Malfoy seemed to not quite approve of Blaise agreeing to be Neville's new girlfriend, taking his neglected feet personally. However, it turned out that he had nothing to worry about as Pansy and about twenty other wenches quickly filled her place. Hermione grinned at the memory of Pansy causing Draco to have to change their password at least ten times a week.

"GRANGER!" came a familiar yell. Hermione sighed, turning away from her last look at her beloved Head Girl room.

"What?" she huffed, as she heaved her rather heavy and large leather trunk down the stairs. It was November the first, and all seventh years were supposed to be out on the carriages to take the train to their Muggle families for the next three months. Draco's annoyed face met her at the bottom of the stairs. His eyes were blazing as he did some sort of strange dance.

"Your damn cat won't let go of my leg!" Draco snarled, giving his leg another shake. All right. Not some weird dance. Hermione grinned.

"Crookshanks baby!" she cooed, releasing her trunk and bending over to try to detach her cat from Draco's now compulsively twitching leg. "Don't you dare hurt my cat!" she growled angrily as Draco tried the shaking effect again and nearly kicked her in the face in the process.

"OW! He's digging his claws into me Granger! Tell your excuse of a cat to go hump someone else's leg!"

"He is NOT humping your- Crookshanks! NO! Bad Crookshanks! Very, very, bad Crookshanks!" Hermione tugged harder on Crookshanks, causing him to dig his claws into Draco.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Draco screamed in a high pitch voice just as Harry and Ron strolled into their common room. They both stopped short at the sight before them. Malfoy screaming bloody murder, Hermione trying to wrestle his leg…

"Get away from her, Ferret!" a still quite blond Ron yelled, oblivious to the fact that Hermione was the one causing Malfoy pain. He pulled his wand on Draco and giggled madly as he successfully managed to hex Malfoy's robes into a girl's uniform. More specifically, he was hexed into wearing Hermione's. Unfortunately Hermione's robes didn't just duplicate.

"RON!!!" Hermione screamed, letting go of Crookshanks as she found herself in only her undergarments. Seeing the three boys in the room eyeing her rather curiously she screamed in frustration and ran back into her room, slamming her door violently. Which was now empty of clothes because her suitcase was in the common room. Another scream was emitted from Hermione' room. Harry, Ron, and Draco cowered. Crookshanks scampered off, no longer interested in Draco's leg. Ron coughed.

"Er- sorry Hermione! Won't happen again! Heh… I promise!" he called up the stairs nervously.

"Nice going Weasel, now we're never going to make it to the carriages!" Draco snarled, while reversing the hex so his robes were reverted to their original state and Hermione's were returned to their original person. After long minutes of tense silence Hermione finally shoved her door open, hitting the wall hard. Grabbing her suitcase, she lugged it out of the room as dignified as she could with twice her weight trailing behind her. She didn't say a word as she passed the boys, who were trying not to look at her.

"If it helps Hermione, you don't have anything to be ashamed of… from what I saw, I mean!" Ron shouted as Hermione reached the hall. He ducked as a shoe went flying. Picking up Hermione's shoe, Ron led Harry and Draco to the carriages, forcing Hermione into an enclosed area with them. Hermione stared determinedly at the wall. Draco snorted.

"Stop being huffy, Granger. Its not like you have anything any of us haven't seen- with the exception of Weasley here of course. Anyway, it's your own fault for giving our password to your epileptic friends."

"Hello! Her 'epileptic friends' are sitting right here you know!" Harry reminded Malfoy with a glare from behind his thick glasses.

"Well it's not my fault! I was correcting their homework in our common room with them and they overheard the password!" Hermione rebuffed, fixing her gaze on Malfoy.

"Heh… Potter don't tell me you get Granger to do all your homework for you and you still get a 'T' in Advanced Potions! Because no offense, but that's just really bad…"

"I don't do all his homework!" Hermione yelled, throwing her hands up in defense.

"How did you know I got a 'T'?" Harry snapped, fixing his gaze on Malfoy.

"You just told me, genius." Draco grinned happily as dead silence filled the carriage the rest of the way to the train station.

Draco was the last to enter the Hogwarts Express, as Potter and Weasley had made it a point to shove past him. Draco had retaliated by tripping them, laughing as he watched them fall over each other and crash in a mess on the road. Hermione had then proceeded to kick him, causing him to fall himself. That hadn't been funny. So now he was following the trio, consequentially being the last seventh year to board the train. He was not in a good mood. Especially since Professor McGonagall had to, of course, come aboard the train and try to shut everyone up so she could give instructions or something. The insides of the Hogwarts Express were transformed into a similar arrangement as the Great Hall so everyone could be in the same place at once. Draco was about to shove past Harry to search for Blaise when he realized she would be sitting with Longbottom. With Crabbe and Goyle gone and Pansy urgently ushering him over to sit next to him, Draco grimaced and opted to sit next to the nice… plant.

"Quiet everyone! Now, it is very important everyone listens up, or you won't know what to do when we get to your homes. We have allowed the fifth and sixth years to join us until we reach muggle London, at which point they will depart and will be picked up at the end of the day. All seventh years will then be given a letter informing them whom they will be partnered with, and brought to their separate locations. You may communicate with your friends while you are away, however it must be through Muggle methods. All owls must be left at Hogwarts so not to attract attention. Cats and other small animals are permitted. Your host families have been told they are receiving students from a prestigious Muggle boarding school and that you want the opportunity to actively participate in a different community. Therefore, each of you will be responsible for getting some form of a job. We want you to interact with Muggles as much as possible in the little time we have, as for some people this may be their only chance. You will all be able to, of course, keep the money you earn, and the partners who earn the most money will win a trip to any country of their choice for a two-week program, all expenses covered. No one under any circumstances may tell their Muggle family their identity, and will consequently experience some unfortunate side effects if they happen to forget this. Everyone will be allowed to come back to the castle for two days for Christmas, but then must return until February the first. Partners and homes were chosen randomly, and are non-negotiable. Please don't be rude to the Muggles, and don't get into trouble, or the ministry will be on our case. _No Magic_. Good luck to you all."

Draco stopped staring at the wall. _Hmm _he thought. _Wonder what she was going on about. _

__

Hermione jumped up as the Hogwarts Express returned to its state of normalcy with the usual compartments. Feeling a hand on her shoulder, she whirled around to find Ron looking at her nervously.

"Listen, Hermione, I'm sorry about before. I don't want us all to be mad at each other… I mean we're not going to really see each other again until Christmas. Can you just… forget you're mad at me until we come back in February?" Hermione regarded Ron with a smile.

"Sure Ron, but only because I know I am going to miss you and Harry so much."

"I wonder who we're going to be partnered with?" Harry interjected, looking around as if his partner was going to have a big sign to indicate whom they were. Hermione snorted, giving a half-hearted look around the room.

"We'll find out soon enough. I just hope-"

"Harry! Harry!"

"Ronald!" Hermione looked down at Ginny and Luna, who had decided to pop out of nowhere. Wondering how Harry and Ron could deal with the annoying sixth years, she groaned as they pulled Harry and Ron into an empty compartment, following cautiously. Ginny caught the look on her face immediately.

"What's up, Hermione? Oh my! I'm sorry! I forgot! You're still single! Don't worry though, me and Harry won't do anything! Neither will Ron and Luna… right guys?!" Hermione rolled her eyes. She really hated stupid people. She wondered if she had always had this strong urge to punch Ginny's smiling face or if it was a recent development. She is usually such a pacifying person. Hmm.

"No problem Gin, I wasn't even thinking of that at all! How nice of you to point it out… I was merely wondering why… erm, that wall doesn't have any decorations! Don't you think they should re-decorate this place?" Harry, Ron, Ginny, and Luna shook their heads as one. Hermione sighed and sat down next to Harry just as the compartment door opened again, this time allowing Neville, Blaise, Parvati, and Lavender in. _Personal space… personal space!_ Hermione shouted in her head as she was jostled to the side.

"Hi guys! Can we join you! Wow, this project is so weird! Can you believe we're going to live with Muggles?" Neville chirped, guiding Blaise to sit next to him and Hermione. Blaise smacked Neville's hand. Hermione grinned.

"Like, oh my God. Do you think there will be any hot Muggles?" Parvati gasped. Hermione resisted the familiar urge to slap her. She seemed to be developing a violent streak.

"Obviously there will be the same ratio of hot boys to ugly boys as there are the wizarding world, Parvati," Hermione snapped. Parvati glared at Hermione.

"You might want to curb that temper, Hermione. There is a reason your still single, you know." Hermione's jaw dropped open. When was a new law added to the Gryffindor handbook stating that under no circumstances are you to ever be single?

"That's enough, Patil," Ginny snarled in Hermione's defense. Hermione was torn between gratefulness someone had stood up for her, and the urge to kill Ginny for feeling she had to come to her defense. Which was kind of stupid. Lavender coughed nervously. Blaise decided to break the silence.

"Hey, Hermione, if you are still single, then we should all play truth or dare or something! Dares could be quite interesting for you…" Ginny, Parvati, and Lavender all gasped and squealed in delight. Harry, Ron and Neville looked as though they were looking for a place to barf.

"How juvenile," Hermione dismissed the topic. _There is no way in hell…_

"Lavender, you go first! Truth or dare? Parvati squealed, leaning forward in her seat. Hermione snapped her eyes shut. _No bloody way…_

"Truth!" Lavender decided, after a glance at Blaise's face. Parvati scrunched up her face for a moment.

"What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?" Parvati asked. Harry, Ron and Neville looked up eagerly. Lavender squealed and was about to launch into a story about her and someone's broomstick when Hermione screamed.

"I don't want to hear this! You evil, evil, dirty people go somewhere else if you want to play your evil, dirty games!" she cried out frantically.

"Prude," Blaise coughed into her shoulder as everyone in compartment burst out laughing. Parvati smirked, knowing things were about to get much more interesting.

"Come again?" Hermione glared at Blaise. Blaise glared back. Neville put a protective arm around Blaise.

"I said," Blaise repeated slowly, "prude. P-R-U-D-E. As in McGonagall is a prude and so are you." Hermione sat stunned as visions of her growing up as a mini Professor McGonagall passed before her eyes.

"I am not a prude!!" she yelled, standing up with her eyes blazing.

"Prove it," Blaise challenged, a smirk playing across her full lips. It was unfortunate that Hermione would never let herself be wrong. Could never just back off, be the bigger one, let things rest…

"Dare." Hermione stated, her eyes meeting Blaise's. Ginny gasped, very nervous. Blaise and Hermione were just not a very good combination, and Ginny had an idea that Hermione would do anything right now to prove herself to Blaise…

"Let's forget about this Hermione, Blaise. We can play exploding snap or something!" Ginny tried, frantically.

"No," Blaise said softly, "the girl wants a dare, so I'm going to give her one she can't refuse. It's up to Granger to seduce our very own, Draco Malfoy before we get off the train." The dead silence was broken by Hermione's hysterical laugh.

"Wow, won't that be hard, Zabini? Malfoy's turned on by anything that moves, believe me, I think he was getting off on my cat this morning. Can't you think of anything more original?"

"I don't want Hermione trying to seduce any ferrets!" Ron snarled, jumping out of his chair. Luna grabbed his arm.

"Why Ronald? You already have a girlfriend of your own. Anyway, I think Hermione and Draco would look good together." This time the silence was deafening. Everyone in the compartment merely gaped at Luna's words. Faintly surprised, Luna shook her shoulders. "What? I honestly always thought they would get together sometime or another…" Hermione choked on her spit.

"Excuse me? I have a dare to seduce him, I'm certainly not planning on following through with it!" Hermione screeched. Luna shrugged her shoulders again and carelessly flicked off a piece of lint from her robes.

"That's just my opinion!" she snapped, annoyed as everyone continued to stare.

"So, you give up?" Blaise questioned condescendingly, turning her attention back on Hermione. Parvati laughed.

"Stop being mean to poor Hermione, Zabini. No need to be such a hag just because Hermione couldn't seduce a lamp post." Hermione bared her teeth.

"Watch and learn, Slytherin," Hermione commanded, slamming the compartment door open. Blaise smiled as Hermione left the room, leaning against Neville. _Gryffindors are so easy to manipulate._

Hermione had left the compartment in a rage, cursing her idiot friends under her breath. How could Neville even stand to be near that whore? And Parvati, sticking up for her like she was a charity case who couldn't get a boyfriend. Well she'd show them, she'd get Draco…_ Shit._ The white-hot anger that had been surging through Hermione moments before had evaporated as quickly as it had come. _This is Draco Malfoy. DRACO MALFOY! How the hell am I supposed to seduce that… thing! How does one even go about, 'seducing'?_ Hermione thought frantically. The only experience she had with boys had been with Victor Krum, who she had never had to go after herself._ And Malfoy… God damn it! I can't back down; I'll never hear the end of it. Must be strong… must… not… kill… Blaise! God I am never going to hear the end of this… _she inwardly groaned, as she headed down the train, peering in each compartment with a sinking heart. _Please don't let him be here! Please let him have fallen out of a window! Oh please oh please oh please… crap. _Hermione stopped abruptly in front of the door from which a blonde haired albino was lounging within, reading something or other. Using the window to check her reflection as she figured a 'seducer' would go about doing, Hermione attempted to push her hair down fruitlessly. _Curls my ass_, she thought grudgingly as she remembered one particular Saturday afternoon where Lavender had actually _complimented _Hermione's, 'for once reasonable curls'. Hermione sniffed at her last failed attempt to push the frizz back down and shoved the compartment door open. _I can do this, I can be brave, I am in Gryffindor… must… be… strong…_

"What the hell were you doing, checking out your reflection in my window, Granger?" Draco demanded, not looking up from his book. Hermione's jaw dropped open.

_Genius,_ she thought, angrily. _Who would have thought he would have been able to see me through his window! Brilliant me…_

"I have no idea what you're talking about, as I would never do anything as preposterous as checking my reflection in anybody's window," Hermione snapped, before remembering that she was supposed to be seducing him. _Shit!_

"Of course," Malfoy conceded, "I must have been hallucinating. I mean, your ugly face staring at me through the window is just too hideous to actually believe, so it must not have happened."

"How could I have been 'staring at you' _and_ 'checking myself out' at the same time?" Hermione rebuffed. Draco raised an eyebrow, finally tearing his attention from his book.

"Well I'm sure you must have figured it out by now, with all that practice since no one would even consider even looking at you, never mind check you out."

_ He just can't make this easy for me,_ Hermione thought, exasperated.

"By the way," Draco continued as if he hadn't said anything in the least bit offensive, "what _are_ you doing in here? Potter and Weasley got fed up with you?"

"I can't do this!!" Hermione screamed. Draco blinked. Laughter could be heard from down the hall.

"And just what exactly can't you do, Mudblood?" Draco asked startled. Hermione shook her head. She would not fail!

"…Keep my feelings about you secret any longer, Malfoy," Hermione snapped through gritted teeth. Draco smiled.

"Don't worry Granger, I think I have a pretty good idea of what you think about me, not really a secret here." Hermione counted to ten. The only time she had seen people 'seduce' other people had been on the television when she came home for summer vacation. And they always eventually ended up kissing. So why not just skip to that part, instead of embarrassing herself with her failed attempts to sweet-talk Malfoy? Hermione walked up to Malfoy slowly._ I cannot believe I am doing this._ She thought frantically. Draco seemed to have finally figured out what she was about to do. His eyes widened in shock as she pressed her lips to his.

Draco muffled a cry as Hermione kissed him. He had realized what she was about to do barely a second before she had done it. _What the bloody hell is going on?_ Draco's mind cried out, as Hermione wrapped her arms around his neck, tilting his head to deepen the kiss. Draco Malfoy was not one to be controlled, especially in situations like the current one. He could tell Granger was hesitant, yet persistent. _Well if she insists…_ all further thoughts left Draco with this decision, and the tables turned. No longer the submissive one, he opened his mouth a little wider, plunging his tongue into Hermione's mouth. Hermione shuddered.

_What the bloody hell is going on?_ Hermione thought frantically, as she melted into her enemy's kiss. She vaguely wondered who exactly was supposed to be seducing whom. Draco's arms encircled her, pulling her body even more closely to his. She felt the heat emitting from him. This surprised Hermione, as for some reason she had always thought Draco would be cold to touch. Emitting a slight sigh, she mimicked Draco's tongue actions with her own while running her hands through his hair, letting the silky strands slide between each finger. Suddenly reality snapped back. She's Hermione Granger and he's Draco Malfoy. This was not even halfway right.

Draco felt Hermione tense in his arms, jerking him back into reality. Disbelief spread across his face, as he realized with a jolt that he had lost himself kissing Hermione Granger, of all people. Hermione was the first to move, taking a small step back, a blush creeping on her face. Draco was too stunned to take much notice to the awkward silence that hung between them. Hermione coughed nervously, and Draco quickly planted a placid expression on his face.

"So, Hermione, please enlighten me. Did Potter and Weasley put you up to this, or are you just extremely horny?" Draco smirked down at Hermione. Hermione felt the awkwardness shatter.

"Actually, your dear friend Zabini did. She felt you needed a pity visit, and I must say I agreed." Draco almost grinned at the ingeniousness of Blaise. She really knew how to play people, although Draco wasn't use to actually being one of her pawns.

"Of course. Tell dear Blaise that I give my thanks, and that the _hardness_ for the moment was driven away with your help," Draco suggested. Hermione glared up at him.

"Don't think I don't know what your talking about, Draco Malfoy!" Hermione warned, hitting Draco on the arm. Malfoy smirked. There was a moment's pause, which was of course, quickly interrupted by the cart woman. Smelling coffee within ten miles of him, Draco sped out of the compartment without so much as a backwards glance at Hermione in his mad attempt to get to the cart woman. Hermione rolled her eyes, heading back to her original compartment. Vaguely confused at the feeling of disappointment rising in her stomach, she decided to push all thoughts of Draco out of her head once and for all.

A/N: How super sketch is it that I'm posting this at like, one in the morning? Oh well, I felt really bad because even though this hasn't been through my second beta reader, I really haven't put anything out in SO LONG (mainly because I'm trying to work while finishing my summer homework before school actually starts). Fun stuff. Hope you liked, please drop a review!! :D


	7. When Angels Deserve to Die

A/N: Soooo sorry for the extremely belated update. But I told you reviews motivate me to write!! LOL also this little thing called school and SATs hindered me… Sorry!!

?- Erm, yes. Blaise is a guy, however I didn't figure that out until I had already posted him as a girl, and figured that a sex change halfway through the story probably would do more harm than good.

Rae- Thanks for the review! Blaise and Neville are in love! Blaise would never do anything to Neville! Muahaha… lol sorry I just love the pairing so much…

AclownNeverDies- WOW. Thanks for reviewing all of my stories! I feel so special! LOL. Here's a very belated update!

Zoltaire- Hermione/Sirius is one of my other favorite pairings as well! Yes, Crookshanks does have impeccable taste. Hmmm, I think I might have to include him more later on…

PinkTribeChick- Thanks so much for the wonderful review- as usual. I know this is extremely late… but here it is!

Paprika90- nope! But thank you so much for the review- it was getting it like 2 months after I last updated that made me remember that I had to write more. Cookies for you!

Chapter 7- When Angels Deserve to Die

Hermione shoved through a group of wandering students in her mad attempt to escape Malfoy's compartment. What had she just done? Trying not to think about the previous event, Hermione made a dash for her compartment, skidding to a halt at the sliding door. Breathing heavily, she could hear laughter from within. Scowling at the betrayal of her friends, Hermione barged into the compartment in quite a fowl mood. A moment's pause passed as Harry, Ron, Ginny, Neville, Luna, Blaise, Lavender, and Parvati scrutinized the girl before them. Hermione glared back at them, trying to fight the blush that was currently creeping on her face. _Oh gods,_ she thought miserably.

"She did it!" Ginny exclaimed in amazement. Hermione sniffed at the young girl's disbelief.

"And how do you know, Weaselette?" Blaise rebuffed, a smirk spreading across her face. "Hermione looks quite like someone who was brutally _shut down._"

"No see, she's smiling! Do you think she would be this happy if she had failed?" Parvati chirped in excitement. Ron nearly fell out of his seat.

"I am _not_ smiling!" Hermione snarled, crossing her arms over her chest while stomping her foot it quite an immature manner.

"Are you suggesting that Hermione enjoyed that, Patil?" Ron snapped, his fury ill-concealed.

"Oh-my-Gah." Finally Lavender spoke up, her face vacant of anything Hermione considered an ounce of intelligence, "Hermione like, totally digs Malfoy!" Hermione rolled her eyes, tuning out the rest of her friend's conversation. She worried about what would happen if Lavender or Parvati lost just one more brain cell.

"So what actually happened, Hermione?" Harry intruded on Hermione's wonderful visions of Lavender getting lost and accidentally walking off a cliff.

"Hmm?" Hermione blinked, noticing the entire compartment was still shouting about whether she loved the infamous Draco Malfoy or not. "Oh, well, that. Nothing that I'm sure you couldn't figure out on your own." Hermione gazed at Harry warily, distractedly running a hand through her unruly hair. Harry could be quite unpredictable these days, even with the threat of Voldemort lifted. Hermione blamed it on Ron's influence. Harry merely sighed however.

"Let's just hope you're not going to be paired up with anyone from Slytherin, especially once this gets around. I think-"

Hermione desperately wanted to get a head start on the holiday work. Arithmancy and Advanced Ancient Runes were going to be killer. She only had three months! That was only about a summer vacation, and she had been given at least twice the amount of work she had to do back then. And not just in those classes! It was rather fortunate that she was so good in Transfiguration, or she wouldn't have been able to inconspicuously lug around all nine of her textbooks, her potions set, her extra reading assignments, the herbs she had to test the magical properties of for Herbology…

"-I just want what's best for you," Harry concluded, a worried expression on his face. Hermione smiled and nodded. _Hmm,_ she thought in faint surprise,_ I wonder what that was about._

Hermione didn't look up from her book on Ancient Runes again until the train halted in London. At that point in time she grudgingly replaced her textbook to feel the full weight of Ginerva Weasley thrown on her. Hermione offered a weak smile as Ginny continued hugging her to the point of suffocation while pinning her hands to her side. Hermione gasped for breath until Ginny finally took a hint and loosened her death-like grip on the poor girl. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Now you have to write to me the second you get there and tell me who your partner is! Oh, wait, a postman probably wont be able to find Hogwarts… well maybe send it to my mum's house and she could sent it the normal way… although, I'm not quite sure the postman knows where the Burrow is either. Wait, you can write to Harry… except he's going too. Damn, this is difficult…" Hermione smiled reassuringly, only half-listening. Therefore she wasn't too perturbed when Harry took Ginny to the corner of the compartment and started snogging her ruthlessly. In fact, she didn't even notice Ron nearly breaking down and crying when Luna said goodbye quite dispassionately, or when the rest of the seventh years sat down and the train slowly rolled out of London…

Her thoughts were focused instead on the impending trip. She had a fairly good idea of who she was going to be paired with, but was hoping that maybe if she didn't think about it, it would go away. After what had just happened, she couldn't think of a worse punishment bestowed upon her than being forced to spend three months in isolation with the source of her embarrassment. _It wont happen, it won't happen, it won't happen…_she repeated in her head, while under the pretense of reading her book… upside down.

The compartment door slid open revealing the sever face of the Transfigurations professor. "Potter, Weasley, Granger, Longbottom, Zabini, Patil, and Brown," McGonagall said clearly into her briefcase. Seven envelopes immediately flew out, zooming to their proper owners. McGonagall departed from the compartment swiftly after a quick reprimand to Neville, whose toad had jumped straight out of his hands onto her shoulder. Hermione reached for her envelope with trembling fingers. Suddenly she was struck with a brilliant idea. She just wouldn't read it. If she didn't read it, then she couldn't be with Malfoy, now could she? Firmly shoving her envelope to the bottom of her bag, Hermione refused to look at it. Instead she inspected her fingernails with disinterest as her six companions shouted spontaneously as they opened their letters.

"That hag!" Harry screeched, jumping from his seat, "That horrible, disgusting, annoying, piece of-"

"Nooooo!" Ron wailed, placing his head in his hands. "Anyone but her! She'll crush me!"

"I'm with Hannah Abbott," Neville frowned at the traitorous piece of paper. Blaise looked murderous.

"Better than Dean Thomas, believe me." She rolled her eyes. Hermione was just about to ask what was so bad about Dean when Parvati, who had been rather unusually quiet up until that point, let out a blood-curdling scream.

"I'M SUPPOSED TO BE STAYING WITH NUNS!" she wailed, her eyes wide with a rabid look to them. Hermione edged closer to the door. Parvati looked like she was about to start foaming at the mouth. Hermione wondered if it could be contagious.

"Who the hell is Terry Boot?" Lavender frowned at her paper, ignoring Parvati hyperventilating in the corner.

"Who cares!" Harry screeched, "I'm the one who has to spend three months with Parkinson!"

"Better than Millicent Bulstrode!" Ron yelled, tugging at his blond hair in a panic. "All she has to do is sit on me, and I'm gone for!"

"Apparently me and Hannah are going to be staying in Wales," Neville chirped, as if anyone cared.

"Well I hope you have a good time with Hannah, then," Blaise snarled. Neville sprung into caring, sensitive boyfriend mode. Hermione offered her condolences to Harry and Ron, informed Lavender who Terry was, and laughed her ass off at Parvati. Especially after she had a look at her paper and found out she was staying with Susan Bones as well. And then she laughed again at Parvati's expense. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed…

"Who are you with, Hermione?" Neville interrupted Hermione before she could break out into another peal of maniac laughter. Hermione glared at him. Neville cowered.

"Actually, I have no idea, and don't plan on finding out!" Hermione informed him. _Will not look, will not look, will not look…_

"Aw, c'mon Hermione," Ron instinctively reached into Hermione's bag, withdrawing her untouched envelope with a gleam in his eyes. "We've all read you ours, so either you open this right now, or I will." Hermione closed her eyes and counted to ten. Then she counted to one hundred. Her left hand started twitching.

"FINE!" she yelled, swiping the letter from Ron slackened grip. She then stowed it back in her bag and held it tight.

"Come on, Hermione!" Harry sighed, exasperatedly. "Whether or not you read it isn't going to make a difference, it just means your partner will be better prepared than you." Hermione considered this while glaring at Harry. Now that was just cheap, working to Hermione's weakness. Of course she couldn't be ill prepared… damn him.

"Fine," she consented, slowly reaching to the bottom of her bag. It took some shifting a few books that were mainly there to take up as much time as she could, but under the eyes of everyone in the compartment, she was finally forced to bring out the letter. She opened it with excruciating slowness.

"Oh, get on with it already!" Ron urged, kicking Hermione's foot gently. Hermione jumped, gave Ron a look that clearly said 'touch me again and die', and finally withdrew the letter. Unfortunately, she was unable to unfold it slowly, and the first two words in bold letters jumped at her before she could stop them, creating a lump in her throat. **HERMIONE GRANGER AND DRACO MALFOY.** She couldn't even bother to look past the heading to see her location or instructions for the next three months.

_Why me?!_ her mind screamed. Harry eased the paper out of Hermione's deadened hands, wondering what was making her act neurotic.

"Draco Malfoy," he read slowly to the compartment, before turning to give Hermione a hug.

"Oh please," Blaise rolled her eyes, "It's not as if we all didn't know the Head's would be placed together." Ron shushed Blaise frantically while preparing to take on the challenging task of calming Hermione Granger down. Hermione had now progressed from the shocked phase, and the anger was quickly setting in.

"I WILL NOT WORK WITH THAT DIRTY, DISGUSTING, EVIL, MAN-WHORE EXCUSE OF A PERSON WHO'S NOT REALLY A PERSON BECAUSE HE'S REALLY A STUPID, BOUNCING FERRET WHOSE ONLY ASPIRATION IN LIFE IS TO RUIN MINE AND-"

"Run," Ron whispered, ushering everyone safely out of the compartment. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, until they heard similar screams down the hall. Malfoy came striding out, kicking random objects. Everyone quickly decided to find a safer compartment.

_Ok, I can handle this. I just need to be mature about this, breath deep, do yoga, positive thinking! Ok, breath in, breath out. Now I'm just going to look down, just a quick glance, and calmly and rationally look at the rest of the letter. _Hermione held the letter clenched in her hands for another five whole minutes before slowly relaxing her hands and unfolding the letter. Taking a deep breath, she looked down.

HERMIONE GRANGER AND DRACO MALFOY

You will be spending the next three months at 167 South street in Surrey, England with a Mrs. Kurner. Keep in mind that this is non-negotiable. Please remember to also keep in mind the following restrictions shall be enforced with the same punishments you would receive on your summer break. 1. No use of the terms, "witch", "wizard", "Ministry of Magic", "muggle", "Hogwarts", "Quidditch", "Canary creams"...

Hermione slumped in her seat, not bothering to finish the letter. She screamed.

Draco sat numbly in his compartment, kicking the opposite bench every so often just to teach it a lesson. He could not for the life of him understand why he had not just gone to Durnmstrang in the first place. Ok, so maybe it was far from home, freezing cold, run by a pussy ex- Death Eater, and slightly evil, but still! At least he wouldn't be in situations like this! Draco sighed and hung his head. His life was now officially over.

"Draco!" Pansy wailed, opening the compartment door and letting herself in without asking. Draco twitched.

_Think of the Dalai Lama! _Draco said to himself. "I don't give a rat's ass, Pansy," he said to Pansy.

"But Draco!" Pansy cried, stomping a foot, "I'm with Potter!" Sighing, Draco got up and calmly led a hysterical Pansy out to the hall. Then he closed the door and muttered every locking charm he knew.

Hermione felt a tug of anticipation as her friends slowly departed, one by one. Neville was the first to get off right in the middle of London. Ron had had to hold Blaise back from cursing Hannah when she steered Neville off the train. Hermione did not feel any sympathy for Slytherin. Next had been Harry with Pansy in Cambridge. Harry had been shaking when he departed. Hermione was able to feel a bit sorry for him. A bit. Then Ron with Millicent departed in Liverpool, Blaise and Dean in Exeter, Parvati in New Castle with the nuns. Hermione kept laughing hysterically whenever she thought of it. Finally it was just Hermione and Lavender left in the compartment, trying not to look at each other. A million thoughts rushed through Hermione's mind at once. She felt like she was forgetting something… something she _should_ remember…

"Surrey, England!" McGonagall's voice awoke Hermione from her stupor. Numbly, she heaved her luggage from the overhead space and made her way for the door.

"Good luck, Hermione," Lavender offered lamely. Hermione nodded, exiting the compartment only to walk straight into Draco.

"Watch where you're going, Mudblood!" Draco sneered, pushing Hermione away from himself and stalking out the door. The train blew a final warning whistle. Glaring at the back of Draco's head, Hermione pulled her luggage finally off the train, watching it wistfully as it disappeared in a fog of scarlet smoke. They were on their own.

Grumbling profanities under her breath, Hermione reluctantly followed Draco down a secluded street. After looking at a street map, Hermione had determined that their new 'home' was in walking distance. How completely wrong she was. They had been walking for nearly two hours, neither daring to even look at each other. Draco wasn't taking it very well.

"What number is it anyway?" Hermione asked Draco, exasperatedly as they finally rounded the corner onto South Street.

"Shut up," Draco snapped back. Rolling her eyes Hermione jogged slightly to catch up with Draco as he was striding rather quickly in front of her. "This is it." He stopped short, looking from the crumpled letter clenched in his hand to the house before them. A flicker of recognition hit Hermione accompanied by the sick, forgetful feeling making her stare up at the house with confusion.

"Come on already," Draco whined, grabbing Hermione's arm and steering her up the stone pathway to the house. All of a sudden it hit her. Hermione shrieked, pulling Draco behind a large tree in the yard.

"I know you want to shag Granger, but now really isn't the time," Draco smirked at the look of outrage on Hermione's face.

"Malfoy… she's… oh my god… crap!" Malfoy looked down at Hermione bemused as the girl turned white, pink, red, purple and many other colors he couldn't place until he heard a shrill cry from behind them.

_"Hermione baby!!!" _Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. Her life was now officially over.

A/N: Muahahaa…. A cliffy. And yes, I know Tom Felton lives in Surrey. Well I don't live in England, and I was running out of places. Leave me alone! Haha… anyway, please please review! The more reviews I get, the quicker you get the next chapter! Not kidding at all… I'm having total writer's block for the next chapter. So REVIEW!


	8. I'm So Horney, But That's OK

A/N: WOW for the reviews! They made me feel so special! And see, they motivated me! yay! (note: Last chapter title was taken from System of a Down- Chop Suey, this chapter's is Nirvana- Lithium- go out and listen to good music!)

PinkTribeChick- you're one step ahead of me! Thanks for the review, and cookies to you for you're excellent prediction!

Someone- another cookie distributed awesome guess! Thanks for reviewing!

Darlightprincess- a… monkey? Being… butt raped? Interesting analogy... thanks… I guess?

Nairim- like, omi-gosh! Thanks for the review! There will be special Draco-blushing action, just for you. another cookie

Soho Lychee- Thanks so much! I have issues with OOC-ness too, so I'm glad they seem in character while insane at the same time (what can I say? A funny Draco is so much more fun than a moody one ;) ).

Elvenrarehunter- Thanks for the review! It's great to get some feedback about whether they are in character or not since I'm kind of going off and making them more insane than they appear in the books. Thanks so much!

Nosilla- muahahaha… hell, with no wands. LOL I'm having way to much fun torturing these characters… thanks for reviewing!

AclownNeverDies- ::valley::? Sorry, missed that one. LOL I know, I'm horrible. But I'm updating! Yay! ;) thanks for the review!

Ilovetom88- yay! Glad to know that my own twisted humor is not lost on others! Thanks for reviewing!

Mir- hahahahaaaa yes… I had fun with McGonagall. My friend read this over and was seriously disturbed by it, so I'm glad someone finds the value in it! Thanks!

Eliria- Hermione's smart, I'm sure she'll be able to get in touch with the other 'couples' ;). Thanks so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the chapter!

Monkez in springtime- thanks so much! Did everyone just discover this fic this past chapter? lol thanks for reviewing!

Maisarah- I actually read on J.K. Rowling's site that she intended for Ginny's name to be Geneva, and everyone just kinda assumed it was something else. I don't know… decided to go with it… lol. Thanks for reading and reviewing! U rock!

Paprika90- you DIDN'T know he lived in Surrey?! Oh my God! Glad I could educate you… poor Tom… one more stalker added to his list… thanks for the review and good guess! ;)

Jesus4ever- Thanks so much for your awesome reviews! U rock my socks ;)

Kyra Malfoy- lol thanks for the review! Here's ur chapter!

Fire Fairy- Thanks so much! Keep reading!

Chapter 8- I'm so horny, but that's OK

Draco looked up in amazement as a short, plump woman ran straight at Hermione, who was at this point cowering beside him. Instinctively, Draco stepped between them, shielding Hermione from the scary woman in an apron. That is, until the scary woman in the apron reached them and pushed Draco to the ground before throwing her arms around Hermione.

_So much for chivalry, _Hermione thought bitterly as her Draco-shield failed, allowing her aunt to attack her in a torrent of hugs and kisses.

"Oh Hermione baby!! I haven't seen you since you went off to that mysterious boarding school that no one has ever heard about - Hogsdung was it? It's a wonder I was able to recognize you after all these years!! Of course once I saw your name in the letter, I knew you must be coming, and then you haven't grown much since I last saw you; you certainly haven't taken after my side of the family in the breast area, if you know what I mean-" Hermione cowered before the evil spawn that had claimed her aunt's body. Surely she could not truly be related to her. By this point, Draco had finally managed to recover from the large woman shoving into him, and was wiping off loose pieces of grass while trying to stifle a laugh as he caught Hermione's eye. Hermione longed for him to be in hitting range.

"-I just can't believe I get to be with my own niece, when I signed up for receiving students my cat Doxy –do you remember Doxy, Hermione? - Had just passed away, and I needed someone to feed and clean, and now I get my very own niece all to myself!!!"

"Real great, Aunt Evy," Hermione muttered, while cursing her wand for being all the way in her trunk. Draco coughed. Evy rounded on him.

"Where in God's name did you come from?" Evy demanded, pointing a finger straight at Draco's face. Hermione smiled sweetly.

"Aunt Evy, this horrid boy has been following me since I left school, I think he's stalking me-"

"Oh but of course! I forgot for a moment I was receiving two students after the excitement of seeing you again, Hermy! You must be Drake then?" Evy smiled down at Draco in quite a condescending way even though he was about a foot taller than she was. Draco offered a nervous smile in return. Hermione cleared her throat. Unperturbed, Evy continued. "Now what are we all doing out here in the cold? Let's go inside a brew a nice cup of tea, shall we?" Grabbing Hermione and Malfoy's arms, she gave them a quick squeeze before dragging them up to the house, talking nonstop. Hermione dug her heels into the earth, but was nonetheless propelled forward. Draco was quite surprised at the unexpected force pulling him as he was pulled into a small, quaint, yellow house with red trimming.

"Now why don't you two just sit down _here_-" Evy unexpectedly forced Hermione and Draco down into pink chairs with a faint smell of cat- "while I brew us a cup of tea. Feel free to look around Hermy… you too Draco!"

"My name is Hermione," Hermione interjected. Evy's smile never left her face as she gave them a small shrug.

"Pish, posh, Hermy," Evy threw over her shoulder as she left for the kitchen.

"HER-MY-OWN-NEE!" Hermione shouted at Evy's retreating back. Draco broke out in peals of laughter. "Oh shut up," Hermione snapped.

"Your- your aunt- our host-!" Draco started shaking violently from his uncontrolled laughter.

"Think this is funny Malfoy? Hm? Well, I'll show you!" Hermione laughed in turn as she opened Crookshank's cage, setting the horny cat loose upon Draco's leg.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Draco screeched, his eyes wide with terror as Crookshanks started making inappropriate movements against him.

"Pity, I would have thought any cat of mine would have better taste," Hermione commented apathetically. Draco literally snarled.

"Tea is served!" Evy re-emerged carrying a tray with three mugs arranged upon it. Hermione had endured enough torture, however. There was no way she was about to sit and spend unknown hours chatting and making nice with her least-favorite aunt and Draco Malfoy. Nope. Not going to happen.

"Thank you very much Aunt Evy, however I am feeling a trifle bit worn-out from the journey, and I was hoping that I might be able to get an early sleep tonight," Hermione said politely, trying her best not to run from the room.

"Oh of course, dumpling! Why don't I just show you to your room, me and Drake can spend some quality time together, can't we Drakey?" Evy indicated to Draco, whose eyes widened in disbelief.

"It's DRA-CO!" Draco cried out, stomping the ground with impatience.

"Yes," Hermione smiled widely, "you spend some quality time with _Drakey_, Aunt Evy, and I'll go to bed."

It took Draco quite awhile to register what Hermione had said, most likely due to all the horrific events that had taken place. Draco thought back to everything he had experienced throughout his life. Yes. Today most definitely was his worst. _Except for Granger's kiss, _a nasty little voice in the back of his head said. _Yes, that was nice… wait! No! That was the WORST part. The absolutely worst thing! Dirty little Mud-_

"Now that Hermy's all sorted out," Evy's voice broke through Draco's internal debate, "we have a chance to get to know each other…" Draco paled as Crookshanks settled in his lap and Evy began to talk.

Hermione _almost_ felt bad. At least, there was a small voice in the back of her head telling her that she should feel _some_ remorse for leaving a pureblood wizard who had been alienated most of his life from anything even close to a muggle, alone in a room with her Aunt Evy. But _no_. Hermione sat down on a rather lumpy bed and looked around her new room. Maroon striped wallpaper was peeling from the walls, the carpet was practically worn through, the smell of cat had submerged itself forever and on the whole, it was rather cramped. Hermione sighed as she kicked off her shoes and stripped down of her muggle clothing, replacing them with a mismatched plaid set of pajamas. It wasn't as if her Aunt was poor, she just didn't put the time in to fixing up an old house. Hermione strongly suspected her of having ADD. And Tourettes. And Down syndrome…

Looking forward to a nice, hot shower in the morning, Hermione slumped down on her bed, intending to have a nice, long, uninterrupted sleep.

That is, until her traitorous mind drifted to Draco. Hermione's eyes snapped open. She had _not_ just been thinking about the kiss they had shared. Definitely not in a _good_ way!

_No, no, no! _Hermione squeezed her eyes shut. _Ok, **think** Hermione! It's natural for you to feel… something… about that kiss! It has nothing to do with Malfoy! It just hormones, that's all! Oh my God. Oh my God. I'm having that hormonal in-love-with-guys-now-I'm-going-to-turn-into-a-pathetic-pile-of-giggles stage that I've been avoiding! I'M HAVING THAT STAGE AND I'M ALONE WITH DRACO FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS! Maybe I can skip it… puberty isn't that important… wait! What am I saying! I went through that stage! With Victor! Forth year! Yes… yes… I'm safe from the evil clutches of biology. Then why did I like, no, TOLERATE kissing Draco? Cause he's hot shit… no! _

"NO!" Hermione screamed, sitting up in bed, unaware of how her voice carried throughout the entire house. Taking deep breaths, she decided to hold off on further verbal outbursts as she noted the decrease in noise level from the living room. __

_Ok, calm Hermione, calm. Ok. I'll think about Draco later. Evy first. I cannot live with my aunt and Draco Malfoy for the next six months… very bad… you know what, maybe I just liked it because I haven't been kissed for a long time. Well, at least since Victor… a measly two years… Oh my God! No! That would make me McGonagall! I'm going to become sex-deprived! I AM sex-deprived! Oh God, Oh God, Oh God…_

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed. Aunt Evy stopped talking and looked at Draco. Draco was finally shaken from plotting the death of the muggle before him and stared back. Evy cleared her throat.

"Ahem, well it seems that Hermione dear must be having some bad dreams! Here! Bring her some tea!"

"WHAT?!" Draco snapped in alarm. If this woman actually thought that he was going to go up to Granger's room and offer her tea and talking time then she was gravely mistaken.

Draco found himself outside of Hermione's door with a tray in hand five minutes later. Nervously he cleared his throat, while knocking tentatively on the door. Hermione was not someone he wanted to deal with right now. He had his own problems, damn it! He was suffering from caffeine withdrawal! _Tea! Tea! Everything is tea! Need… coffee… ahhhh!_

"I'm coming in Granger!" Draco snarled, grabbing the tray with one arm while trying to maneuver the door open with the other. To find… Hermione. Asleep.

_Grrrr. Come all the way up here and she goes to sleep on me! She's able to sleep in the horrendous coffee-deprived shack! Why should she sleep when I can't? Why! Why!_ Draco's eyes began to bulge. Finally reaching the point where caffeine withdrawal does strange things to certain addicts, Draco stomped over to Hermione's bed, fully intending to wake her up, until he took a good look at her. _Awww she doesn't look that evil up close. So peaceful… shouldn't wake… what am I doing!! This is WHY I cannot be off coffee! It messes with me! Nooo!!!! _In an attempt to regain his _ahem_, stoic manliness, Draco made a running leap at the bed to land in a tangle upon an extremely groggy Hermione.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Draco fell off the bed. Aunt Evy looked up from her pink armchair in the living room, realizing in amazement that the couch she had been talking to for the past twenty minutes was not Draco.

"What are you doing jumping on me Draco Malfoy?!" Hermione hissed, clutching her sheets protectively around her. Draco got up from the ground, attempting a dignified manner while rubbing his head tenderly.

"Err…" Draco didn't quite know what to say. How was he supposed to explain that in his extremely caffeine-deprived state of mind he was overcome with a need to fly across the room and land upon her sleeping form? And then all of a sudden it seemed extremely funny.

"Heh…" Draco couldn't suppress a small smile.

"Excuse me?" Hermione demanded incredulously.

"Hahahaha!" Draco was now laughing. Draco Malfoy was laughing out of a malicious content. Hermione wondered if she needed to get her ears checked.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Draco's maniac laughter had reached a new level; he was actually gripping the dresser in an attempt to hold himself up.

THUMP. Draco was now rolling on the floor, laughing insanely. Hermione was very, _very_ nervous. Precariously, she slid out of bed and approached Draco.

"Umm… Draco?"

"MAHAAAA!" was the only response she received. Not sure what else to do since (in her opinion), it was much too late to feed Draco coffee, she slovenly grabbed one of his arms and dragged him from her room.

"Eh, hehe, Granger… what are you doing? Ahh! Where are you taking me?! HELP! HELP! I'M BEING RAPED!" Hermione looked down in amazement at the usually cool tempered Malfoy.

"Bloody Slytherins," Hermione muttered as she heaved Draco through a doorway that she remembered to be Evy's only other guest room. By this point Draco had managed to stumble to his feet and was being propelled forward by Hermione's index finger sticking into his back. With a sharp poke from behind, Hermione managed to shove Draco successfully on the bed.

"Malfoy, be a good boy and don't bother me again tonight and I promise I'll take you to a Starbucks first thing in the morning." Draco arranged himself on the bed and looked up at Hermione with a trademark smirk. Hermione could not believe this was the same person who had been laughing maniacally and falling over himself moments before.

"Yes mommy, but only if you promise to buy me a double-shot-white-chocolate-mocha-with-skim-milk-and-nutmeg-syrup when we get there," Draco smirked up at Hermione's disturbed face.

"Draco, where we're going, they have _triple_ shots." Hermione smiled and left the room before Draco could start foaming at the mouth. She just had the best idea where Draco could work for the next three months…

Draco woke up the next morning with a throbbing headache. _Where am I? Oh my God. I died. I died and now I've been reincarnated to a peasant to amend for all the wrong things I've done. I'm sorry! Please! I take it back! I'll do anything for my satin sheets! I understand how bad I was! HELP!_ Draco slowly opened his eyes, hoping to find himself back at Malfoy Manor. Nope. He was still in hell. Sluggishly he stumbled from his room to walk straight into a scary pink blob with curlers before him. Ah. Evy. Hermione's dear Aunt Evy. Fun.

"Drakey! You look so bad!! There's a shower down the hall to your right- you can try to fix up your hair before breakfast!" Draco instinctively searched his pockets for his wand lying just out of reach in his trunk in an attempt to blast the stupid muggle to pieces, but after realizing that he was stuck in a hell with no wand, he decided to run to a mirror instead.

Hermione was taken aback for a moment when Draco walked down her Aunt's stairs, his hair dripping and his skin alight with a faint pink tinge from the shower. It was quite different to have to live with Draco at Hogwarts than to see Draco come into her Aunt's kitchen in muggle clothing. Hermione had almost forgot she had been subjected to this torture with him. She quickly shoved the rest of her bagel in her mouth as Draco gave her a dirty look.

"Why are you eating, Granger?" Hermione glared back in infuriation.

"What, calling me fat now, Malfoy?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow in amusement.

"Someone having self-esteem issues, Granger?" Draco drawled, amused as a blush crept up Hermione's cheeks. Cutting Hermione's sputters of indignation short, he added, "I merely asked since you promised me Starbucks last night. Although, I can't disagree with your second statement."

"Piece of-"

"Darlings!" Evy burst into the kitchen, intruding upon their privacy. "We need to decide where you want to find work!" Expecting this, Hermione jumped at the opportunity.

"You're absolutely right, Evy! If fact, why don't I take the car and Draco and I can go job hunting this morning!" Evy frowned, obviously hoping she would have some part to play in this.

"…. And then maybe we can come home for lunch and go over the application process with you?" Hermione added quickly. Evy's expression cleared up considerably.

"That sounds marvelous dear! Here are the keys; the car is in the driveway! Oh, and some cash for lunch! Have fun dumplings!" Hermione smiled. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all. "… Just make sure to pay me back once you get a job! And for gas! Ok! Have fun!"

Hermione let out a low growl. Draco anxiously grabbed her by the elbow and directed her to the car.

"Um, Hermione, can you drive?" Draco looked skeptically at the piece of junk that Evy labeled a car. Hermione shrugged.

"Sure. But I need someone over 21 with me. And I'm not supposed to have anyone besides family with me. But that's ok!" Hermione felt very confident with her driving skills. Those laws were for people who didn't know how to drive.

"Hell no!" Draco paled and backed away, refusing to get into the passenger seat. "Do you think I'd actually trust some muggle contraption that _you_ drive?"

"Stay and spend quality time with my aunt then," Hermione suggested, getting into the car and turning the keys in the ignition. Draco scrambled into the car, trying to make himself appear small as possible. Rolling her eyes, Hermione backed smoothly out of the driveway, and headed in the general direction of town. Draco scrunched his eyes close and pulled his knees up to his chest, as though preparing for Hermione to drive the car off the road into the ocean. Hermione used this time to sneak glances at the stupid blond sitting beside her. Last night must have been her emotions going haywire or something, because this couldn't be someone she was lusting over. His blond hair falling all over his face due to lack of magical gel, his eyes screwed tightly shut and a pink flush on his cheeks could not be the face of a guy Hermione Granger liked. And his baggy jeans paired with a black button-down tee shirt? Disgusting.

"Any reason you're looking at me and not the road, Granger?" Draco asked without opening his eyes, jolting Hermione from her recap of Draco's wardrobe. Hermione fought the blush she felt creeping up her cheeks.

"You wish, ferret face," Hermione struggled for a comeback. The corners of Draco's lips curved into an evil, twisted smile.

"I don't wish, I peek," he replied, opening his eyes before winking at Hermione.

Hermione growled. "Cheater," she mumbled as she parked the car and left. Draco looked around, finally able to sit up straight. So Starbucks would be…

"Over here, Mr. I-have-to-flatter-myself-because-no-girl-in-their-right-mind-would-want-me!" Hermione indicated to an adjoining street as she started to push through the pedestrians.

"Thank you so much, Miss I-have-to-stare-at-guys-while-they-aren't-looking-because-if-they-were-looking-my-hair-would-give-them-an-aneurysm."

"You are ever so welcome, Mr-"

"Hermione, please calm yourself. People are starting to stare," Draco cut Hermione off in mock indignation before strolling confidently towards the now very obvious Starbucks.

"I- but- you- I hate you!!!" Hermione screeched at Draco's back.

"Ta, darling," Draco waved his hand behind him in a very aristocratic manner. Glaring daggers into his back, Hermione followed Draco into Starbucks.

"One triple-shot-cinnimon-almond-hot-latté-with-skim-milk-please-and-foam," Draco said in a rush, glad to have changed his order to a latté. It was a tough decision. Draco hated tough decisions. Wait. Maybe he should have gotten the other one! White chocolate mochas were very sweet… but… oh hell. "Also, can I have one tripe-shot-white-chocolate-mocha-with-skim-milk-and-nutmeg-syrup please," Draco added on an impulse. He sighed in content. Ah, the beauty of not having to make a decision. In short, the beauty of money. Which, he didn't have any of. Wait. Money.

"Hermione?" Draco spun around to find Hermione missing. "Hermione? Granger? Mudblood? Beaver? Damn it Granger, where are you?!" he called out, oblivious to the irritated looks he was receiving. Draco glanced around nervously. The sales clerk regarded Draco skeptically. Draco panicked.

"Um… err… I seem to have misplaced my money… silly me. Could you, um, perhaps take an um, take an I Owe You?" The brunette girl ringing Draco up snorted.

"I'm going to get the manager," she replied, stepping back from the counter.

"Wait! No! Don't go! Look, I'm down here looking for a job, I'm staying with a friend for awhile, and, well maybe I could work off my tab?" Draco cringed at his own words. A Malfoy. Work. The brunette stopped short.

"Tell you what. You…" reaching over the counter, the brunette traced a finger up Draco's arm, "give me your number, and I…" brunette girl leaned over the counter to close some of the gap between them, "will do anything you ask me to." Draco smirked. _This_ was how a Malfoy was supposed to get service.

_I wonder what my 'number', is?_ Draco contemplated as he exited Starbucks with one Vendi coffee in each hand, contemplating his second encounter with a muggle. He concluded that they were very strange creatures indeed. Up ahead he could see a blob shape of a girl with frizzy brown hair approaching him from the left. _Oh, Granger is going to pay for that, _he thought evilly of her departure in his dire need of money, smirking in a way that would scare Voldemort himself. Poor Hermione would never know what hit her.

A/N: If I'm getting anything wrong Britishly, please correct me. I'm not going back to England until next summer so I not exactly up-to-par with their driving ages, restrictions, jobs… whatever. I am also contemplating whether to bump this story up to a rated R or keep it as a PG-13. There are two different ways I want to take this story, so I'm going to have a vote. REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHETHER YOU THING I SHOULD BUMP UP THE RATING! THIS WILL DETERMINE HOW I AM GOING TO WRITE THE STORY FROM NOW ON!

And review please! ;)


	9. I Can't Get My Head Around You

A/N: Yeah. This was an AMAZINGLY long update. Like, six months. I wasn't planning on continuing this story, but you know, after some angry reviews, I felt it was time.

Truly, I'm sorry. I'll try to be good. Until then, I hope this brings some compensation to my readers, if you know, you're still reading this ;)

AS TO BOOK 6- since this fanfic was started after the 5th book, and before the 6th, I'm not going to change it accommodate the changes in the sixth. Certain people who may have perished tear in that one are still alive here. Speaking of which, who loved this last book? I thought it was amazing, especially after the emo-ness of the 5th one… sigh.

On with my own sad interpretation of the world of J.K. Rowling!

Chapter 9- I Can't Get My Head Around You

Hermione waited impatiently as Draco ordered his coffee… ahem, coffee_s_. She took the time to look out the window at the quaint street that ran just out of view. And oh- what was that? A bookstore? Completely forgetting Draco, Hermione flew out of Starbucks running full speed to _Bumble Bee's Bookstore_. Foaming at the mouth, Hermione pushed the door wide open breathing in the sweet aroma of… books. Without a second thought, Hermione ran to the closest section and pulled down an assortment of books ranging from Great Expectations to Confessions of a Shopaholic. Oh the horror of decision making! Sitting down, Hermione pulled each book onto her lap for a 'quick' skim, before a rather unpleasant thought occurred to her. She looked down at her own meager sum of muggle money lent from her Aunt with remorse, but concluded the only solution would be to steal Draco's lunch money as well. After taking the time to fill out an application and spend some time getting to know the shopkeeper, Hermione looked at the watch Harry gave her for her last birthday and promptly tore out of the store. Blood pounding in her ears, Hermione's only thought was to _get to Draco_.

Exiting Starbucks with a sadistic smirk, Draco formulated a plan to get back at the bad, evil, Hermione.

"Thank God I found you, Draco. I need your lunch money," Draco looked at Hermione incredulously. "Oh, is that coffee for me? Wow that was really sweet of you, Draco!" Eyes widened in horror, Malfoy watched with trepidation as Hermione extended her hand for the coffee… further… further…

"I WILL NEVER SUCCUMB TO YOUR WICKEDNESS!" Draco shouted in a half-neurotic state as his teeth sank into Hermione's hand.

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!" Hermione screamed as she pulled her hand sharply away from Draco's coffee, tears brimming in her eyes. Draco blinked. "You bit me!" Hermione screeched again.

"Mine." Draco cradled his coffee protectively.

"Are you on drugs?" Hermione suddenly looked anxious.

"Drugs…?"

"Never mind," Hermione snapped as she started reaching in Draco's pockets.

"Whoa Hermione! Watch the package!" Draco smirked, before his amusement vanished with a disturbing thought. "Oh my God Hermione you can _not_ feel me up in the middle of the street! Not only will everyone see, but it will be embarrassing and they will all then know I'm contaminated with your muggleness!"

"I am _not_ feeling you up Draco Malfoy!" Hermione shouted, her face turning an unnatural shade of red. "I am _trying_ to find the money my Aunt lent you for lunch so that I can buy my book!"

"That's what all the girls say, Hermione," Draco said exasperatedly while rolling his eyes, suddenly feeling like a tool for forgetting Evy's money.

"Alright, thanks Draco!" Finding the object of her interest, Hermione took off in a dash back to the bookstore, running over several pedestrians in her way.

Draco was extremely unhappy. He had his _lunch money_ stolen by mean old Hermione. _Come on. Who steals lunch money anyway? _Draco pouted, shocked at the reverse of roles. _First she strands me in a muggle store while I'm under the assumption that I have no money for a **book**, then she steals the formerly assumed absent money to buy said book. She chooses a **book** over my own well being! Well, I'll just have to show her that Draco Malfoy is not second best! _

Hermione pondered over the colossal decision that she had to make. Dickens or Shopaholic? The severity of it was overwhelming. Heart pounding with trepidation, Hermione ran her hand over the cover of the Dickens book before gently opening it with the uttermost carefulness. Finally opening Dickens, Hermione's eyes widened in shock at first glance of the page. A picture, a _moving_ photo that took up the whole page. An expansive, disgusting, perverted picture of Filtch and McGonagall putting to use Filtch's whips and chains. Hermione screamed. _Draco Malfoy is going to DIE, _Hermione's mind screamed over and over as she was escorted out of her new favorite store for causing a scene. _Death, pain, torture, needles, screwdrivers, ava kadavra, crucio, chainsaws, hair… _Hermione's face morphed from its angry contortion to a serene, happy smile.

"DRACO MALFOY!" Hermione screamed, cornering Draco at the bottom of the street where she found him cackling at his ingeniousness.

"Yes, Hermione?" Draco's cackles halted abruptly at one look at Hermione's murderous face.

"I just thought that I'd tell you that your hair looks absolutely terrible," Hermione said sweetly, as she shoved an ice cream cone on the top of Draco's head. Silence ensured.

"You… you… where did you get ice cream god dammit!"

"The stand over there," Hermione replied with a smile.

"You… you… die… now…" half-dazed, Draco advanced on Hermione. Smirking, Hermione took off for the car.

"HERMIONE GRANGER!" Draco quickly followed.

"How the hell did you use magic, you conceited bastard!" Hermione screamed over her shoulder, running into the car and turning the key as Draco ran after her.

"I bought the charm from Zonkos and stuck it on you; it makes you see your true desire in what you love the most!" Draco cacked, gasping for breaths as he pulled open the car door.

"WHAT!" Hermione screamed, pushing Draco out of the car. "That was… that's not… I don't desire THAT!" Draco smirked from the ground, finding himself in an uncomfortable heap.

"That's obviously not what your inner psyche is trying to tell you, Granger!" he jibed as chocolate trickled down the side of his face.

"You should really apply to work in that ice cream store, ice cream goes well on you," Hermione snapped, stepping out of the car as she realized she had yet to apply to a single place. Scowling, Draco jumped up beside her, wiping off most of his ice cream on Hermione's back.

And so they went into six different stores, ice cream covered and bickering, trying to present themselves as perfect candidates for and shop keeper. After stopping at the bookstore Noble Pages, which didn't have very good results after Hermione's screaming fits, Starbucks where Hermione ended up dragging Draco from some slut much to his great amusement, to the ice cream store, the pizza parlor, the drug store and the supermarket, Hermione was quite hungry. Sitting down at a small table outside of a small restaurant, she tried her hardest NOT to look at Draco's disheveled, sticky self sitting across from her.

"What's my number, Granger?" asked Draco, after the waitress had taken their orders and left with a wink.

"What number- what are you talking about, Malfoy?" Hermione growled, angrily stabbing the table with her fork in her aggravation of having to wait for her meal.

"My _number_, Hermione. Some muggle girl asked for my _number_, but when I told her my lucky number was 666, she just laughed at me. What is this muggle _number_, that she so desired?" Draco asked with an ever widening smile as Hermione's face contorted in anger.

"Next time some girl asks for your number just tell them you don't swing that way, Malfoy," she snapped, color rising to her cheeks at the prospect of Draco being hit on before her.

"Ohh, so my number is something that makes Hermione jealous is it?" Draco asked with a strange glint in his eye.

"No! It's just muggle speak of a girl saying, 'I'm a sexually deprived slut! Oops!'" Hermione argued, her voice rising to a ridiculous pitch in her imitation.

"I like sluts…" Draco murmured, stroking his chin in mock contemplation. Hermione kicked him under the table.

"Here you go!" said the waitress, returning with two plates of food as Draco winced in pain. "Let me know if it's too hot for you, alright babe?" she asked, looking solely at Draco. Hermione fumed. _Of course, _she thought, _out of this entire country, we end up in the Malfoy-obsessed sluts town! _Seeming to know Hermione's trail of thought, Draco ate his food with a much happier outlook on the whole trip than he had experienced prior.

Hermione fumed. The book, the biting, the girls, it was just becoming too much. Draco Malfoy was about to get a taste of his own medicine… smiling, her spirits improved as the meal progressed as well- for completely different reasons, of course.

A/N: Please bring on that motivation:D


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